Fear not, loyal readers, for a review of CHIKARA's Season 10 debut show, Chaos in the Sea of Lost Souls, is forthcoming. I've already viewed the show once, but I feel it needs to be rewatched so I can give the full effect of the show to you, the reader. If you haven't already seen it yourself, I'd recommend picking it up if only to watch the Eddie Kingston vs. El Generico match, as it was off the awesome chart. Also, the Osirian Portal vs. F.I.S.T. match was great, as was the main event as usual. But for now, since there are TWO shows this weekend, I feel it is necessary that I cram both picks episodes into one gigantic super-episode. So sit back, strap in, and grab a beverage, because it's going to be a long show.
Let's start with Saturday's show, shall we? It's...
Caught in a Cauldron of Hate
3.0 vs. The UnStable
Both teams are looking to get back on the winning side, as neither have any points toward contention for the Campeones de Parejas. 3.0 is one of my favorite tag teams in CHIKARA (which is saying something since every tag team is awesome). Scott Parker and Shane Matthews are two talented and hilarious dudes, and they put up a hell of a fight against the BDK last year, actually being the first team to gain a pinfall in a championship match over Ares and Claudio Castagnoli during the latter's nine month title reign. Meanwhile, the UnStable has become more focused than ever after Colin Delaney Olsen left the team to reunite with his brother, Jimmy. Vin Gerard and STIGMA are looking to climb the ranks again. Both Matthews and Gerard have vastly improved over the past year, and they should definitely put on a good show. Every time I see Shane Matthews about ready to call out a headscissors, I mark out like crazy, because despite calling out a move very loudly, it still works every time. If this is the first match of the nine match card, I will definitely be happy to watch it when it comes out on DVD. But I have to remember that this is also a picks episode, and I think that when it comes right down to it, the Unstoppable Beast and the Miserable Malcontent have a slight advantage in that they're totally willing to cheat to win. I'll pick The UnStable to win and pick up their first point.
Gregory Iron vs. Icarus
There was one award I neglected to give out during the Golden Rantie Awards last year, and that was for the Most Inspirational Wrestler of the Year. That award goes to Gregory Iron. For his story, I'll link you to his recent blog post on CHIKARA's website. The man put on one hell of a show at the Young Lion's Cup against Lince Dorado and Tursas, taking the former to his limit on Night 2 and sadly getting crushed by the latter on Night 3. But Iron is a great talent and has shown that you can fulfill your dreams if you work hard enough. Now he has to face Icarus, possibly the most hated man on the CHIKARA roster for reasons I do not know since I've only been watching the product for about ten months. Believe me, if I had several thousand dollars, I'd buy the entire back library of CHIKARA just so I could make myself totally acquainted with the product. But I do not have that kind of money. When I do, though...look out, Smart Mark Video, cause you're going to have a huge order on your hands! Where was I? Oh, yes, the match. I would love to see Greg Iron become a regular member of the CHIKARA roster, but to do that, he needs to start winning matches. And what better way to start with a victory over a CHIKARA Generation 1 member like Icarus? I'm going with my heart over my brain this time. I'm picking Gregory Iron to win this match. It should be damn good.
Max Boyer vs. Tim Donst
I don't really remember seeing much of Max Boyer before, but I would imagine that since he's facing Eddie Kingston on Sunday, he's got to be a pretty good competitor. Both Boyer and Donst are former Young Lions Cup champions, so you know they've got some talent in them. Donst went undefeated in his reign as the YLC champ, and whether you want to admit it or not, the kid's getting better every time he steps in the ring. Tim Donst is how I wish Jack Swagger had turned out. Donst is like Swagger, only with talent. Anyway, with the BDK seemingly splintering before our very eyes, Donst may make a move towards the World Championship that is being created. I wish I knew more about Boyer to give a better analysis of this match, but I am in the dark right now. So I'll have to go with the guy I know more about, as much as it pains me to do so: Tim Donst wins.
Sugar Dunkerton vs. Brodie Lee
The rivalry between the Throwbacks and the Roughnecks continues its escalation. Last month, the Roughnecks picked up a victory over the Old Timey King of Swing and the Boisterous Ball Hog. I'm betting the Roughnecks were even more heated for that match when the ring announcer, Gavin Loudspeaker, accidentally called them the Throwbacks during their entrance. This feud is getting really hot, and it shows no signs of stopping. These teams have been trading wins back and forth for the past couple of months, with neither team gaining an advantage. Saturday, though, I think will be the beginning of one team gaining the upper hand. Brodie Lee is a tough guy to pick against, what with his big boot that could knock probably break cinderblocks and an attitude that most men would fear. But Sugar Dunkerton is not one to back down from a fight. Still, I'm betting the bigger man gets the dupe this time. Brodie Lee is my pick to win this match, and the tide in this feud will shift to the Roughnecks.
The Colony vs. The Osirian Portal
Last year's King of Trios runners-up face the newly re-minted trio in a "Tecnico Trios Tussle" as the website puts it. After nearly six months, The Colony is whole again, as Green Ant finally returns from a broken arm (courtesy of Battlarts member Keita Yano) he suffered during the Young Lions Cup tournament last year. Soldier Ant and Fire Ant are riding high after a Quatros (a term I'm just now coining) match last month with Jigsaw and Mike Quackenbush against the BDK, and with Green Ant back in the picture, they are as formidable a trio as any in the world. However, the Osirian Portal, who have been a duo for quite some time, are a trio once again with the former Jonathan Gresham, now known as Hieracon, joining the group. Both of these trios have been entered in the 2011 King of Trios tournament. Could this be a preview of one of the later matches, even the finals? Quite possibly. The Portal is riding high after their victory over F.I.S.T. last month, and with Hieracon, they look as strong as ever. But you can never count The Colony out. The only reason they didn't win King of Trios last year is because the BDK got in their way No matter what happens in April, this is going to be an epic encounter. Both teams are major fan favorites, and both teams are supremely talented. This could come close to being the match of the night. But who will win? Green Ant's return will definitely spur The Colony on, but Hieracon's addition to the Portal might put them at the top of the trios division in CHIKARA. It's a tough decision, but I'm going to have to pick The Osirian Portal to win this awesome match. They just have too much momentum right now for me to think they'll lose before King of Trios 2011.
Dasher Hatfield vs. Claudio Castagnoli
This is definitely an intriguing match-up, as these two have never faced off one-on-one before. Both men are embroiled in feuds that have nothing to do with each other, and that could bring about a lot of distraction on both men's parts. Dasher has the Roughnecks at the forefront of his mind, and Claudio is still waging war on the rest of CHIKARA. I would imagine that these distractions will lead to one of these men losing the match. With the World Championship announcement, I would have to believe that Claudio Castagnoli is a front-runner to challenge for this new title, and maybe this will be a warm-up for him. I think Dasher's involvement with the Roughnecks will be his downfall, as he won't be able to keep his focus on his opponent. Claudio Castagnoli wins this match and gets some momentum going for King of Trios and the eventual World Championship.
Eddie Kingston vs. Johnny Gargano
And speaking of World Title contenders, one cannot forget about The Last of a Dying Breed, Eddie Kingston. No one in CHIKARA has been on as much of a roll as Kingston over the past year, and it would be foolish to pick against him at a time like this. He's like the John Cena of CHIKARA, except Kingston is about ten times better (which isn't to say that Cena is bad; rather, it is to say that Kingston is that damn good). Now, I like Johnny Gargano. He's got all the potential in the world to be a truly great wrestler. But when he's matched up against a guy like Eddie Kingston, I feel kind of bad for Gargano. He's going to be absolutely steamrolled on Saturday. I'm picturing Kingston vs. Castagnoli in the final match for the new World Championship. Wouldn't that be a poetic end to their long-standing feud? I think it would be. But both men need to build momentum towards that epic encounter, and as such, I'm picking Eddie Kingston to win and pretty well destroy Johnny Gargano.
Young Lions Cup Championship Match - Frightmare (c) vs. Rich Swann
I wish I knew something about Rich Swann that would allow me to give good analysis for this match. But, sadly, I know nothing of this man. But I would think it is safe to say that if he is taking on Frightmare for the Young Lions Cup, he's got to be good. Frightmare has been an excellent Young Lions Cup champion, and I can't imagine his reign ending so soon. Nonetheless, this should be an excellent match. But I have to question whether Frightmare will be totally focused on Rich Swann since he is part of the UltraMantis Black vs. Sinn Bodhi feud, a feud that is gaining steam and intrigue with each passing show. Last month, it appeared that Bodhi and the Batiri had possibly struck an alliance with the BDK, but that has yet to be confirmed by any party. Now, UltraMantis, Hallowicked, and Frightmare are waist-deep in this feud, with no signs of slowing down. Hopefully, Frightmare will be able to keep what little measure of composure he has in order to retain the Young Lions Cup. I'll pick Frightmare to win and retain the YLC, though his grasp on it is more tenuous than I thought it was a month ago.
Campeonatos de Parejas Match - "Lightning" Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw (c's) vs. The Batiri (Obariyon and Kodama)
Six months ago, Obariyon made his debut. I gave him the Rookie of the Year award. Kodama debuted a month after Obariyon. I will not be giving him any awards. These two have been pushed to the top of the company so quickly I'm a little surprised by it. Still, they are definitely a good pair to work for Sinn Bodhi. But are they ready for the Campeonatos de Parejas? I honestly can't see Jigsaw and Quackenbush dropping the titles here. Bodhi's feud with UltraMantis Black is still only in its infancy, and giving him too much power too quickly would seem a little overwhelming. Unless, of course, Bodhi is in collusion with the BDK, in which case it would be tough to side against the Batiri. Still, Jigsaw and Quackenbush have overcome incredible odds to become the Campeones, and dropping them just two months after winning them would feel like a hollow victory. And, on a more technical note, I still feel like Kodama is not ready for the spotlight. He's probably the most botch-prone member of the CHIKARA roster, including an ugly botch at the last show where he executed Hallowicked's step-up headscissors very poorly and injured his (Kodama's) shoulder. It looked awful. Obariyon is ready for the main roster, no question. But I just feel like Kodama could use a few more months of training before he'll be really ready. It feels like they kind of rushed him into the gimmick and the story before he was really ready to go. For that reason, I am going to pick Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw to retain the Campeonatos de Parejas. It isn't the Batiri's time yet..
So there you have it: picks for Caught in a Cauldron of Hate. Now, for Part Two of this Mega-Sized Episode, picks for...
Clutch of Doom
Ophidian vs. Icarus
Man, when was the last time Icarus had two singles matches in a row? I certainly can't remember. Of course, I've only been following CHIKARA for ten months, so it could have happened before I started watching. Both F.I.S.T. and the Osirian Portal are competing in King of Trios 2011, so this match will probably help the momentum of one of these teams. But, as I stated earlier, the Portal is riding a wave of momentum the likes of which I haven't seen in a while. Well, other than Eddie Kingston's wave of momentum. If you haven't seen the video that made the Portal a viral sensation, I'll post it right here:
If ever there was a promotion that made me suspend my disbelief, it's CHIKARA (or, in this case, the Osirian Portal in CZW). I can't see the Portal's momentum slowing down any time soon. I'll pick Ophidian to win.
The Throwbacks vs. The UnStable
Similar to what I've been discussing in this episode, the Throwbacks probably won't be focused on this match or their opponents, whom I picked to win against 3.0 on Saturday. The blood feud the Throwbacks are embroiled in with the Roughnecks will likely be too much to allow them to focus on the UnStable. What does this mean? It means that the UnStable may very well reach a little closer to a title match. I wouldn't even be surprised if Brodie Lee and/or Grizzly Redwood make an appearance during this match just to screw the Throwbacks over. I'm picking The UnStable to win and pick up their second point, leaving them just one point shy of earning a title shot.
Madison Eagles vs. Sara Del Rey
I wasn't a big fan of Madison's match against Daizee Haze last month. It felt like Madison was too large for Daizee to work with, even though Daizee's been working matches against guys twice her size for some time now. I'm hoping that Sara Del Rey will match up better with Madison. Sara is definitely one of the best wrestlers in the world right now, male or female. Do toe ladies of the BDK gain a clean sweep over Madison Eagles? I'm not so sure. Daizee's win felt almost a little like a fluke victory, and even though Sara should match up more equally with Madison, I think that may be to Sara's disadvantage. Still, when you're backed by the BDK, there's always a good chance you'll win no matter what. If Derek Sabato's the referee for this match, Sara's chances of winning to up significantly. But I think that Madison could very well pull off a victory here. I'm picking Madison Eagles to win in what I'd consider a small upset.
Four Corner Elimination Match - The Osirian Portal (Amasis/Hieracon) vs. 3.0 vs. the BDK (Delirious/Daizee Haze) vs. Los Ice Creams
With this style of match, one team could walk out of Easton, PA with the three points necessary to challenge Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw for the Campeonatos de Parejas. In fact, that's how Quack and Jig got their three points to challenge the BDK last year. But will any of these teams get all three points in this match? My gut says no. I'm pretty sure we can count Los Ice Creams out of the running immediately, despite how hilarious they are. 3.0 might bet a pinfall, but the chances of them winning the match are slim with the Osirian Portal and the BDK standing in their way. So that leaves us with two teams. And I hate to sound like a broken record, but the Portal's got all the momentum and the crowds in their corner. I don't think they can be stopped right now. They may only get one point out of it, but I'm picking The Osirian Portal to win this match and have yet another team start their path to the Campeonatos.
Eddie Kingston vs. Max Boyer
Johnny Gargano won't be able to stop the War King. Neither will Max Boyer. Eddie Kingston will not stop until he's beaten Claudio Castagnoli to within an inch of his life. It doesn't matter who is put in front of him, because Eddie Kingston will decimate anyone and everyone until he gets to Claudio. Eddie Kingston wins this match.
UltraMantis Black, Hallowicked, and Frightmare vs. The Batiri (Obariyon, Kodama, and Kobald)
Here is another reason why I don't believe the Batiri will defeat Quack and Jig on Saturday: they have a trios match the next night against their bitter rivals, UltraMantis Black and Incoherence, and I can't see them walking into Easton as the Campeones de Parejas. This will be the first time we will see the strange creature known as Kobald in action, so he is definitely a wild card in this match. UMB, Hallowicked, and Frightmare make a formidable trio, one I would consider nigh unbeatable in CHIKARA. But the Batiri have Sinn Bodhi at their side, and there's a damn good chance they will get back on a winning streak after Saturday's predicted loss. Both Incoherence and UltraMantis lost their matches last month to the Batiri, so I think they'll get a measure of revenge on Sunday. However, Sinn Bodhi's possible alliance with the BDK may lead to some unexpected interference, and I think The Batiri will pick up the victory. This might be a bitter pill to swallow, but the Batiri are on a roll, and I bet they'll make a big splash at King of Trios this year.
Jigsaw vs. Tim Donst
This match is kind of a summary of last season: one of the CHIKARA faithful facing off against a member of the nefarious Bruderschaft des Kreuzes. Jigsaw is still coming off some injuries, so he'll likely not be at 100%, especially after his match Saturday night against the Batiri. Tim Donst may very well continue climbing the singles ranks as he watched the BDK crumble underneath him. I'm not saying the BDK is done for. I'm saying that Donst is establishing his own singles career so he can stand on his own merits once the BDK does dissolve. Though it's tough to pick against Jigsaw, as he is one half of the Campeones de Parejas. Still, a win over Jigsaw would do wonders for Tim Donst's singles career. I'll pick Tim Donst to win and start stringing together singles wins.
The Colony (Soldier Ant and Fire Ant) vs. The BDK (Claudio Castagnoli and Tursas)
If you want to talk about a tall task for the Colony, look no further than the team presented to them on Sunday. Claudio is one of the hardest-hitting wrestlers out there, and Tursas...well, I'm pretty sure he weighs about as much as Soldier Ant and Fire Ant combined. The Colony has the support of the fans and Green Ant, but Claudio and Tursas have the rest of the BDK, and possibly referee Derek Sabato. A win for Claudio and Tursas could be the first step towards reclaiming the Campeonatos de Parejas (well, for Claudio at least). Both teams need as much momentum as possible leading to King of Trios, and a win here would definitely put one of these teams as one of the front-runners for making it to the finals. When it all comes down to it, I can't picture the Colony making it past the imposing duo of Claudio and Tursas. I'm picking the BDK to win.
Well, that's it, gentle readers. Two picks episodes in one. I hope you've enjoyed this super-sized edition of Rantables. But be sure to stay tuned, because in the next day or so I'll be giving my picks for WWE's Elimination Chamber PPV. Also, my thoughts on the host of Wrestlemania 27, and how it might have made me change my decision about my major announcement. So stick around, because there will be plenty more Rantables for everyone!
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