I'm sorry I didn't get around to doing picks for CHIKARA's Young Lion's Cup show. Part of the reason is because Hurricane Irene is traversing the east coast and the show had to be shortened to one day (today) and there was no way to predict which matches would stay on today's card and which would be dropped. Part of the reason is because the last few days have been tough for me and I never got up the gumption to write or record anything. As it stands, this is the first CHIKARA event I haven't done picks for for quite some time. It will not happen again. I was also going to post a tirade about the current direction of WWE Monday Night Raw, but I felt that my opinions were more meandering than usual, and decided not to post it. Suffice it to say that I'm disappointed. But I really shouldn't have been surprised that I'd be disappointed; after all, it IS WWE. Anyway, I'll be back at some point to talk about...something. I'm sure a good topic will come up soon.

Mini-Episode RE: Chikarasaurus Rex

Four days ago, Chikarasaurus Rex wrapped up. Today, I am in possession of the DVDs for both shows. CHIKARA really knows when to kick it up a notch in regards to releasing their biggest shows of the year quickly. I'm writing this now because I won't get a chance to watch the shows until Sunday. I also purchased the 2011 Todd Pettengill Invitational because I've heard good things about the tourney. So look for reviews of both shows soon.

By the way, you should all check out Speed Demos Archive because they're putting on a charity marathon for the Organization for Autism Research. They'll be playing through 50 games over the next three days. The show starts at 11 AM Pacific time. So in about a half hour. Please check it out.

Podcast Episode 1 - Chikarasaurus Rex Preview and Picks

I'm trying something different. Here's a podcast instead of text. Hope you enjoy it.

Episode 22 - Jumping to Conclusions

Well, Money in the Bank has come and gone, and CM Punk left the WWE with the WWE Title. Then, Monday Night Raw rolls around. Now, I haven't watched Raw since February, I believe. That's close to six months. I tuned in because I wanted to see what the aftermath of this story would be. I was disappointed. Or, I should say, I was disappointed that night.

You see, as soon as Raw went off the air, I wrote a rather scathing comment on someone's Facebook page, saying that the show truly was all about Vince (seeing as how nearly the last half hour of the show had him on screen) and that the episode was awful because there was no appearance by one CM Punk. Now, after having had several days to digest this (as well as seeing another video which I will discuss momentarily), I realized that I had expected near-immediate results on the story instead of watching and waiting for it to build.

Now, I am going to bash WWE, but not quite in the way I did four days ago. I believe the reason I expected the story to move forward on Raw was because of the way WWE has done their storytelling over the past few years: a story that felt like it should grow over months ended up getting crammed into the space between PPV shows, and the whole story arc felt rushed. Now it appears that the CM Punk storyline is going to take a while, which at first threw me off. I was expecting an immediate continuation of the story on Monday night. What we got was the typical "He isn't employed by WWE, so Vince pretends he doesn't exist" deal that has been going on for decades, and a nearly 30 minute in-ring promo with Vince, John Cena, and HHH. I initially felt as though Vince made his own title even more pointless by pushing it to next week's show and taking up the time where they could be crowning a new champion to announce that John Cena was going to be fired. And when HHH walked down the entrance ramp, I knew he was going to be "taking control of the company." HHH hasn't dressed in a suit and tie for, what, five or six years now? It had to be a big occasion for him to dress like that, especially as a babyface.

Anyway, since I have had time to look back on that night, I realized that Vince is finally doing what I'd been complaining about for years: he's letting the story develop over time. He isn't rushing to finish the story arc before the next PPV. He's letting it build, and that is about the smartest thing he can do right now. Meanwhile, we're getting bombarded with images of CM Punk traveling around with the WWE Title. And then, yesterday, this happened:



There are other videos of this event out there with over 250,000 views, but this one has the best overall quality.

Now this is about as far into uncharted territory as Vince has ever gone. He's using this very scene between CM Punk and HHH to ignite even more interest in this storyline. And you know what? I'm actually enjoying it. I'm happy to see Vince branching out and poking his head out of that bubble that's been surrounding him for nearly thirty years. I'm glad that he's seemingly starting to let a storyline evolve outside the arena. I like it that this feels more organic, more spontaneous, more REAL than his storylines of the past. When you've got the guy who walked out of the company on top crashing a panel headed by the new boss of the empire, you've got some serious interest building.

Simply put, this storyline is growing stronger by the week, and it's keeping me interested. Like I said a few days ago, I haven't been this intrigued by a WWE story in years. I think because Vince is seemingly heading outside his comfort zone, it's making me appreciate what he's doing. So maybe that situation I described a few days ago will happen, but it won't be soon.

I do have to complain about one thing, though. Otherwise, it wouldn't be an episode about WWE. I am disappointed with the WWE Title match set for next Monday night. Miz vs. Rey Mysterio? I was really hoping to see someone who hadn't been world champ in this match. I would have loved to see Kofi Kingston in this match, even though I gave up on him ever being a WWE world champ months ago. Still, it would have been nice to see a new face in the main event scene. But I'm pretty sure this title match will be irrelevant. Why, you ask? Because this is all just a storyline.

I believe now that this whole thing about Punk leaving was just the build-up to this story arc. The stories about Punk leaving because WWE wanted to trademark his name, all the talk of backstage politics...all just the setup. And now that I realized that, I have to give WWE credit for stepping into new territory (for them, anyway). Of course, hindsight is 20/20, and everyone who considers themselves a smart mark or a member of the internet wrestling community should have been smarter than they were. When MVP left late last year, he informed several sources that he was allowed to continue using the MVP gimmick because he was the one who came up with it. It was his intellectual property, and WWE let him keep it. I have to believe that the whole story about Punk wanting to leave because WWE wanted his gimmick is just a setup because his gimmick was created long before he entered WWE. But I don't mind now that I realize it was part of the story.

What I'm really enjoying most about this story, though, is that it's being doled out in pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle, and once you figure out how the pieces lock together, there's this sense of accomplishment. I'm really hoping that the story continues to unfold piece by piece, and not dumped on us at once. I'll be watching Raw again next Monday night, just to see where the story goes.

So I suppose that's all for the moment. Except for this SPOILER ALERT FOR SMACKDOWN: Apparently, Daniel Bryan Danielson announced that he was cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase at Wrestlemania 28. He'd be the first person to announce when he was cashing in his contract since Rob Van Dam. This, again, allows for months of build-up, which is just what Danielson needs. I'd love to see him get more time in the ring to show off his skills instead of getting the crap kicked out of him every week. I'm just happy he's got a world title match at Wrestlemania. He deserves it more than anyone else on the WWE roster, and I'm looking forward to the match, whomever his opponent may be.

Okay, NOW I'm done. Catch you all later, and remember to stay cool. It's about a thousand degrees outside.

Mini-Episode RE: Money in the Bank

I don't have time for a full episode, but I must say something about the events of last night's Money in the Bank PPV show. I read the results of the show and, upon finding out how the show ended, as well as the results of two other matches, I found myself having to watch the show. So I *AHEM* "acquired" it and watched those three matches. I will say now that I was absolutely surprised at the results even though I had read them already. Those three matches? The Smackdown Money in the Bank match (which I predicted Mr. Danielson would win), the World Heavyweight Championship match, and, of course, the WWE Title match. While I definitely want to see what transpires on Smackdown, I have to say that ever since I started watching wrestling again in 2006, I have never been more curious as to how a storyline plays out than I am with the CM Punk story. Punk defeated Cena, won the WWE Title, and avoided being put in a match with the Raw Money in the Bank match winner, Alberto Del Rio. So Punk actually accomplished what he set out to do, something I doubt anyone who wasn't completely in the know could have predicted.

What really amazes me is how much this has pulled me back into watching WWE programming. I've been on such a WWE-hate trip for the past couple of years that it's oddly refreshing to look forward to Raw or Smackdown. I still cannot stand Michael Cole, and there were times where I was finding myself falling back into my old ways of yelling at the computer screen when Cole said something idiotic, breaking my concentration on the match and taking me out of the moment. But I'm going to watch Raw for the first time since February. Yes, that means I'm going back on my statement of never watching a WWE show again. But when you've got a story this intriguing that captures your interest as much as this does, I can't help but tune in.

On a side note, the Punk/Cena match will definitely be a Match of the Year candidate. Not just because it was a great match, but because the story surrounding it is fascinating and as entertaining as any WWE storyline over the past five years.

So I'm watching Raw. I'm hoping that the CM Punk story remains strong. If it does, I may finally change my opinion of Vince McMahon. Maybe he's finally evolving out of his draconian mental view of the sport. I sure hope so. Tonight might be a new dawn for pro wrestling. And if it is, I'm going to ride the wave, baby. Catch you all later.

P.S.: I loved the Chicago crowd chanting "Colt Cabana!" That, and the ridiculous pops Punk got throughout the match. It made the match just that much better. Okay, that's all.

Episode 21 - What the Future Holds For Us

I was going to make my next episode about the only TNA PPV I've ever watched (Destination X), but the more I think about it, the more this needs saying in public.

I'm really hoping that there's just the faintest chance in Hades that maybe, just maybe, Vince McMahon is FINALLY coming to his senses and starting to acknowledge other wrestling companies out there. Why, you ask? Because of CM Punk's promo on Raw a couple of weeks ago. If, by some fluke, you missed it, here it is:



Make sure to watch the whole thing before continuing with this episode.

So why do I think that Vince, in his ripe old age, has begun to acknowledge other wrestling companies out there? Well, for one, he allowed Punk to name both New Japan Pro Wrestling AND Ring of Honor during the broadcast. But that isn't all. In the last couple of days, it has come to light that three big names on the independent wrestling circuit have been holding out on signing new deals with their current company. Colt Cabana, Claudio Castagnoli, and Chris Hero all are apparently not in talks with Ring of Honor to sign new contracts. What does this mean? Well, for one, if all three leave, it's a huge chunk of ROH's drawing power gone. But there is speculation that Castagnoli and Hero are in talks with WWE to sign contracts. And with Punk name-dropping Cabana during the above promo, one wonders if he could make a return to WWE as well.

This whole business with the three indy stars holding out on ROH is also making me question Punk's apparently initial plans to leave WWE when his contract expires this weekend (holy crap, I just realized that the PPV was this Sunday!). I always feel like when a wrestler's contract expires the day of a PPV, something's a little fishy. It's even fishier when the wrestler actually talks about his contract expiring. At first, I was firm in my belief that Punk would win the WWE Title at Money in the Bank, then one of the Money in the Bank match winners would cash in his contract and take the title away from Punk, making sure that Punk wouldn't actually leave with the WWE Title (not that Vince would actually allow this to happen in the first place). But now, with the news of Cabana, Castagnoli, and Hero all potentially leaving Ring of Honor, I get the sneaking suspicion that Punk's expiring contract is all a ruse.

It's a vaguely similar situation to the Daniel Bryan Danielson situation from last year. Danielson was seemingly set for a run with the Nexus, but was supposedly fired for choking a man with his own tie on national television. Danielson got a ton of press, went to the indies, and a couple of months later, showed up back in WWE. Unfortunately, his lame non-gimmick character stuck with him instead of his badass American Dragon character he's had for a decade on the indies. I'd still like to see the American Dragon character on WWE television, just to see one of Vince's oldest stereotypes broken (that being that only the bigger bodybuilder-types can dominate opponents).

So where am I going with this? Well, the Punk situation parallel's the Danielson situation somewhat. Both stories involve internet wrestling community fan favorites leaving the company for dubious reasons (Danielson for the tie-choking incident, Punk because supposedly he doesn't want to give WWE the trademark for his name and character), both have next to no hints of returning, and both feel suspiciously like setups, even though WWE is playing them straight. Honestly, I am not sure what to think about the current situation with Punk, but if I had to lay some money on it (say, a dollar), I'd bet Punk isn't actually leaving the company. Before the news of Cabana and Co., I would have thought it a sure thing that Punk was leaving to go to New Japan or back to ROH. But now, there's an inkling that maybe, just maybe, Punk will stay, and bring Cabana, Castagnoli, and Hero with him.

Now I'm branching off into full-blown fantasy here, but would it not be simply amazing if we see Punk win the title, lose it to the Money in the Bank winner, then show up the next night on Raw with Cabana, Castagnoli, Hero, and Danielson in tow, declare WWE theirs for the taking, and proceed to rampage across both shows, proclaiming the indy scene to be the best in the world? We see Punk win the WWE Title, Danielson win the World Heavyweight Title, Hero and Castagnoli the Tag Team Titles, and Cabana both the Intercontinental and United States Titles, and just run roughshod over the company. Or maybe get a sixth man (Low Ki?) to hold one secondary title so Cabana isn't a double secondary champion. I know it's entirely a fantasy, but if I was running WWE, that's probably how I'd book the next year of storylines: the indy scene invades WWE and takes over.

Now, you may say, "But that's almost exactly the same thing that happened with the Nexus last year HURF DURF *eats shoe*" Well, Mr. Shoe Eater, unlike the Nexus, having these four, five, or six guys destroying the WWE roster is actually believable. Instead of eight "rookies," we have between four and six guys, all with at least a decade of experience each and more wrestling knowledge than the entire WWE roster put together (except The Undertaker, obviously). I can imagine Danielson, Castagnoli, Hero, Low Ki, Punk, and Cabana actually beating this shit out of guys like Heath Slater and Mason Ryan. Hell, I'd like to see every former indy guy/current WWE employee join in on the fray. Get Evan Bourne and Sin Cara involved, and bring up Jon Moxley and Tyler Black. With ten guys, this could be the greatest faction in wrestling history, and it would truly bring about a new renaissance in the wrestling industry.

Now, I know that the last two paragraphs were me basically giving myself a good strong wank, but honestly, if you were as fed up with WWE as I was six months ago, you'd take notice of Punk's promo and start wondering what might just happen. On the less pleasant side, Punk could just lose his match at the PPV this Sunday to John Cena and leave the company in a huff. That would be the worst case scenario, one I pray does not happen. They can't let this much build sputter and die just like that. With as much heat as he has, Punk can run with this for months, and, as I said earlier, bring about a new age in wrestling. Though that may just be the smart mark in me talking.

I hope you enjoyed this little diatribe of mine. I'm going to continue to think positive about this situation and hope it goes similarly to how I imagine it going. It's too bad not everything can be positive, though, as I must do a review of TNA's Destination X PPV. On the positive side again, CHIKARA has finally released their June shows, and I ordered them the day they came out, so I'm hoping they'll arrive in the next few days. That way, I can get to talking about Chikarasaurus Rex: King of Sequel, which is coming up in just a couple weeks' time. So until next time, keep cool and stay awesome.

Episode 20a - The Two-Part Three-Show Coverage Continues!

So I left you all hanging yesterday halfway through today's CHIKARA card. Let's finish up today's card and cover Sunday's show as well.

And now, the conclusion of...

A DEMON IN HIS POCKET

Incoherence (Hallowicked and Frightmare) vs. F.I.S.T. (Johnny Gargano and Chuck Taylor)

I stated yesterday that I thought F.I.S.T. would win their match against The Colony. And I haven't looked at the results, because I like to find out when I watch the shows rather than the minute they're over and done. So I don't know who won that match, but if F.I.S.T. did, then they'd be poised for another victory today. If any team could pose a serious threat to the current Campeones de Parejas (besides the BDK), it'd be F.I.S.T. I'd love to see Quackenbush and Jigsaw take on Gargano and Taylor. Though that may not be for a little while, as Jigsaw is on the shelf with an injury. Still, winning today would give this incarnation of F.I.S.T. two points towards challenging for the Campeonatos, and I'd like to see this matchup take place. So I'm picking F.I.S.T. to win again today.

The Colony (Soldier Ant, Fire Ant, and Green Ant) vs. The BDK (Ares, Claudio Castagnoli, and Tursas)

Hoo boy, talk about your major main event attraction! The past two King of Trios winning teams take on each other to see who is the better team. The BDK certainly has the size advantage (with the mammoth Tursas and the chiseled Claudio Castagnoli), but The Colony has the boundless energy of Fire Ant and the baffling strength of Green Ant. Green managed to bodyslam Tursas, which is impressive considering Green weighs half what Tursas does. It appears that getting his arm broken last year was the best thing to have happened to Green Ant. So which team will I pick to win? That's a tough choice. The BDK is still going strong six months after I thought they would dissolve, and The Colony is better than ever after their King of Trios victory. I think, though, that this time, size does matter. As much as it pains me to say this, I think the BDK is going to win this match.

12 Large Summit match - Mike Quackenbush vs. Ophidian

CHIKARA's founder takes on the venomous, vile serpent from the Nile. Ophidian took Amasis' place in the 12 Large Summit, so he's got something to prove. Quackenbush lost to Hallowicked in the first match of the round robin tourney, so he's got something to prove. This will be an excellent match. Both men are adept at the high-flying, and both are great submission wrestlers as well. Their styles should mesh quite well. I can't remember them facing off one-on-one before, so this should be a unique experience to say the least. However, I think one major point will be the deciding factor here: this is Ophidian's first match in the tourney, and Quack's second. Quack needs a victory to keep in the running, while Ophidian can muster a loss and still stay in the hunt. So I'm going to pick Mike Quackenbush to win.

12 Large Summit match - UltraMantis Black vs. Eddie Kingston

I hate to say it, but even the great and devious UltraMantis Black can't stop the momentum of one Eddie Kingston. I picked Mantis to win yesterday, so he can suffer a loss and be even with just about everyone. Eddie Kingston wins.



And now, for Sunday's show showdown...I present to you...

THE EVIL THAT LIES WITHIN, PART 4

Sugar Dunkerton vs. Ophidian

Sugar had one of my favorite matches of the year last month against Archibald Peck. It was definitely a surprise and a sleeper hit for yours truly. Ophidian I've already discussed. Sugar hasn't had much success as a singles wrestler, but damn if he doesn't give it his all every single time. Sadly, I don't think that Sunday will be his day to win. Ophidian needs the win after his predicted loss on Saturday, and he'll get it. Nevertheless, this should be a damn fun match. Ophidian wins.

Four Corner Elimination Match - The Olsen Twins (Colin and Jimmy) vs. Los Ice Creams (Ice Cream Jr. and El Hijo del Ice Cream) vs. The Dark Army (Obariyon and Kobald) vs. Aeroform (Louis Lyndon and Flip Kendrick)

You know why I hated WWE multi-man or multi-tag matches? Because they were always one fall to a finish. CHIKARA does it right by having these epic elimination matches. We FINALLY get The Olsen Twins back after months away, as well as the unreal team of Louis Lyndon and Flip Kendrick. I first saw these two a couple of years ago in the Fray match that opened a Dragon Gate USA show, and I instantly became a fan of both. Lyndon is thoroughly unique, and Kendrick is ridiculously athletic. Both men can go like nobody's business. Then, we've got Los Ice Creams, the closest thing CHIKARA has to jobbers, and two members of The Dark Army, who are seemingly everywhere. Now, one of these teams could potentially walk out of this match with the three points necessary to challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas, provided they win all three falls against their opponents. To my knowledge, that has not happened since I began watching CHIKARA. But who knows? It could happen on Sunday. We can probably count Los Ice Creams out, since I can't remember the last time they won a match. And, unless they're planning to become a more constant fixture, we can count Aeroform out (though an Aeroform/F.I.S.T. could be intriguing since Johnny Gargano teamed up with Aeroform at King of Trios 2010 before becoming part of F.I.S.T.). So that leaves us with The Olsen Twins and The Dark Army. Obariyon and Kobald have, to my knowledge, not teamed together as a regular tag team, while The Olsen Twins...well, I think you can figure that out. For this match, I'm honestly going with my heart here and picking The Olsen Twins to win, though I don't think they'll get all three points necessary to challenge for the Campeonatos. But they'll get the final fall.

Cheech Hernandez vs. Jakob Hammermeier

If Jakob survives his match with The Throwbacks on Saturday, he's got a tough cookie in Cheech to contend with on Sunday. Cheech is a guy I haven't seen too much, but I've enjoyed what few matches I've seen him in. He's got great sway over the crowd and a great attitude. Whether he can stop the apparently unstoppable Jakob Hammermeier is another story. Jakob's matches usually go as such: he gets the crap beaten out of him only to have someone distract or take out the ref long enough for another BDK member to destroy his opponent and drape him (Jakob) over his opponent's unconscious body and pick up the victory. Since the BDK has plenty of members on hand this weekend, it's likely that will happen yet again. My apologies, Cheech Jakob Hammermeier wins.

Eddie Kingston vs. Hieracon

Kingston was originally scheduled to face Brodie Lee in the main event of this show, but due to Brodie's knee injury, that match will not happen. It's too bad, too, because that would have been one hell of a main event match. Instead, we get poor Hieracon getting thrown to the wolves. Or, in this case, The War King. We all know Hieracon can take some punishment, but something tells me he won't be pinning Kingston's shoulders to the mat for a three count. Look for a serious beatdown being laid out by one Mr. Last of a Dying Breed. Eddie Kingston wins in convincing fashion.

Dasher Hatfield vs. Tursas

I do not envy Dasher one bit. Tursas has been defeated only a few times since his debut last year, and since adding a TOP ROPE MOONSAULT to his repetoire, Tursas is scarier than ever. Dasher is one of those guys who can take about as much abuse as anyone can dish out, but I just cannot see him winning this match. He may have defeated Brodie Lee last year, but Tursas is another monster entirely. Tursas wins.

The Spectral Envoy (UltraMantis Black and Hallowicked) vs. The BDK (Ares and Tim Donst)

The whole UMB/BDK thing began before I started watching CHIKARA, and I keep meaning to go back and read more about the story between these two. I've read some, but it's a very complex and detailed story. Safe to say that UMB and Ares have unfinished business, and it's even more complicated with Sinn Bodhi in the mix, though we haven't really gotten to hear much of the story unfold as of late. I'd like to know if someone is in league with someone else, or if all three factions are working for themselves, or who knows what else? Anyway, this should be one hell of a fight. But UMB is fighting a two-pronged war, and his resources will be depleted more than Ares'. I'm giving this win to the BDK. Damn, why am I picking them to win so much?

Young Lion's Cup Championship Match - Frightmare (c) vs. Kodama

Kodama earned this title shot by pinning Frightmare last month during a trios match. Frightmare is trying to be the first Young Lion's Cup champ to hold the title for an entire year. The only person who came close to that was Shane Storm, now known as STIGMA, who held it from YLC II to YLC III, which were eleven months apart. I will give Kodama some credit: he has gotten better as the months pass. But I still think he's a little behind Obariyon as far as in-ring polish is concerned. Kodama probably botches moves more than anyone on the CHIKARA roster, but that isn't a huge insult considering how polished the entire roster is (especially when compared to companies like CZW). I can't imagine him winning the YLC from Frightmare. Not this close to the next YLC tourney. Frightmare wins and retains the Young Lion's Cup.

The Colony (Soldier Ant, Fire Ant, and Green Ant) and "Lightning" Mike Quackenbush vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus, Chuck Taylor, and Johnny Gargano) and Vin Gerard

As it says on CHIKARA's website, RELEVOS ATOMICOS! I have no idea what that means, but we've got an eight-man tag team match, and you will never hear me complain about that. Poor Vin Gerard is trying to pick up the pieces of his career after being forced to split up after losing to 3.0 last month. Oddly enough, we haven't seen 3.0 since then...anyway, Gerard will get a chance by teaming up with F.I.S.T. to take on the 2011 Kings of Trios and one half of the Campeones de Parejas. We're getting another rematch of the King of Trios final match, which I'm totally cool with. Add Gerard and Quack to the mix and it's a recipe for insanity. Atomicos matches tend to get out of hand, and they're usually famous for their multi-person submission sequences. I hope at some point we get eight guys with seven submissions chained together simultaneously. Hell, if the first guy being made to submit manages to get a hold of the eighth guy and have a crazy circular eight-man submission, I could die happy. Anyway, this should be fast, furious, and fun match to watch. And I want to see the weekend end on a positive note. So I'll pick The Colony and Mike Quackenbush to win. Better luck next time, Vin.



And so ends another insane three-day weekend spectacular in CHIKARA. Makes me want to try to get a job with them so I can go to these shows instead of experiencing them on DVD. Anyone know if CHIKARA is hiring? *wink*

Okay, that's it for me for now. But I'll be back for CHIKARASAURUS REX weekend, if not sooner. Keep cool in this unbearable summer heat, kids.

Episode 20 - Three! Three! Three Shows In One!

(To be said in Yakko Warner's voice) "It's that time again." Time for another CHIKARA weekend spectacular showcase extravaganza! With the sheer number of shows they've been putting on this year, it's getting tougher and tougher to fit their three-day-weekend shows into one episode. I'll try to do so today, seeing as how I meant to do a write-up yesterday but got totally sidetracked by various other things. Anyway, I thought this weekend was Chikarasaurus Rex weekend, but it turns out that's next month. That is a trio of shows I am looking forward to almost as much as I did King of Trios. But let's get to this month's shows first.

There is one very unfortunate injury to report: Brodie Lee was hurt during a recent Dragon Gate USA show, and will probably be out of action for a while. This puts the highly anticipated Lee/Kingston match off and takes Lee out of the 12 Large Summit. I wish him a speedy recovery.

Now, to make up for the loss of the Big Rig of the CHIKARA roster, the matches already set up had to be shuffled around a little. But the cards still look great, so let's take a looksee.

The Case of the Bulletproof Waldo

The Throwbacks (Sugar Dunkerton, Dasher Hatfield, and Matt Classic) vs. The Dark Army (Obariyon, Kodama, and Kobald)

*clears throat* Ahem...MATT CLASSIC IN THE HOUSE! He is once again paired with The Throwbacks in a...well...throwback...to last year's King of Trios. Dunkerton, Hatfield, and the 87-year veteran of professional wrestling will take on the dangerous trio known as the Dark Army. Obariyon and Kodama gained a victory over the Throwbacks last month at Anniversario, and I'm sure the Throwbacks are looking to even the score. Matt Classic is a bit of a wild card, though, as he's been known to be somewhat unreliable in tag team matches. Some people question whether he actually knows what a tag team is. But he is a dangerous man when inside the squared circle, so the Dark Army had better watch out. Kobald is also a wild card, always running around and interfering in other peoples' business...Anyway, I'd imagine this to be a pretty back and forth affair, hopefully including some classic Matt Classic high-flying maneuvers. You know, I'm not sure Matt Classic has ever won a match in CHIKARA...but I think that streak may come to an end today. I'll take The Throwbacks to win.

The Osirian Portal (Ophidian and Hieracon) vs. Emperador and Ripper

Unfortunately, I know absolutely nothing about Emperador and Ripper besides the fact that they work for GALLI Lucha Libre. But they're luchadores, and that usually means that they're good workers. On the other side of the ring, Hieracon continues to fill in for the injured Amasis. While Hieracon has been doing better in the ring, he doesn't quite yet have the chemistry that Ophidian had with Amasis. Still, they are a formidable tag team with points towards the Campeonatos de Parejas. And I can't see them losing said points to a team that's probably in CHIKARA for one night only. Still, it should be an interesting matchup. The Osirian Portal wins.

Eddie Kingston vs. Colt Cabana

This match could be epic. And I don't use that word very often anymore (mostly because it's been completely overused by the general public). I don't think I've looked forward to an advertised match this much since Kingston vs. El Generico. And I think (for those of you who know the not-so-well-kept secret about Cabana) you will understand why I picked the Throwbacks to win: I don't see Cabana taking two losses in one night. I also don't see him taking two wins in one night. Sorry, Colt, but this match is going to the War King. Eddie Kingston wins.

Side note: I'm a little saddened that CHIKARA seems to be going toward a more generic music feel. Maybe they aren't able to use the songs they used to use under Fair Use anymore. All I'm saying is I'm royally disappointed that Eddie Kingston isn't using the instrumental version of that Jay-Z sample of The Ecstasy of Gold anymore. Moving on...

The Colony (Soldier Ant and Green Ant) vs. F.I.S.T. (Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano)

We're getting a rematch of sorts from this year's King of Trios finals. Since both Fire Ant and Icarus are in 12 Large Summit matches, these teams are going at it in a traditional tag match. Well, a traditional CHIKARA tag match, that is. I'd have to imagine that F.I.S.T. still holds a grudge against the Colony for preventing them (F.I.S.T.) from becoming two-time Kings of Trios. And everybody holds a grudge against F.I.S.T. for...well...being F.I.S.T. Anyway, these are two of CHIKARA's most well-established teams with a long history, and they always put on a good match, be it against each other or other opponents. So this match should be no different. I'm sure Chuck Taylor is stinging from two losses at Anniversario, so he's probably wanting a win more than anyone else. And that's why I think this match will be won by F.I.S.T.

Da Soul Touchaz (Marshe Rockett, Acid Jaz, and Willie Richardson) vs. the BDK (Ares, Tursas, and Tim Donst)

We haven't seen DST in CHIKARA in a while, but they still aren't done with the BDK. I'm a little surprised (but not disappointed) that this feud has lasted for about eight months. I'm glad it gives DST something to do in CHIKARA. They are three very talented men who probably could move up to bigger and better things were it not for this nagging feud they have with the BDK. I think if they get a win, they might get some closure from the events that transpired late last year. Maybe if they win, they'll get a more permanent spot on the CHIKARA roster, and maybe a spot in next year's King of Trios...I hope that's the case, anyway. So I'm going with my heart here and picking Da Soul Touchaz to win this bout.

12 Large Summit match - Sara Del Rey vs. Icarus

Two of the most despised heels on the CHIKARA roster will battle it out to see who gets their first win in the 12 Large Summit. Some people (namely the face commentators) are questioning how anyone other than Claudio Castagnoli got any votes to get into this tourney, and we don't know yet how Sara garnered enough votes to get in. But this just proves that she's that damn awesome. And you know what? As much as I like to root against the BDK, I like to root against anyone from F.I.S.T. even more. So I'm picking Sara Del Rey to win this match, because I want to see her kick Icarus' freaking head off.

12 Large Summit match - Fire Ant vs. UltraMantis Black

Both men are also competing in their first 12 Large Summit match, and getting points early is a key to moving on. And in a contrast to the previous match, both Fire Ant and UMB are painfully over with the crowd. Mantis had an awesome bout with Chuck Taylor that saw them fighting in a park for a couple of minutes and a chop war that lasted far longer than any chop war I've seen (save that insane chop war between Kobashi and Sasaki - go look it up). I'm expecting this to be a fairly fast-paced affair, with lots of high spots from Fire Ant and a fair bit of offense from the devious one himself. But who wins? Out of the two, I honestly think Mantis has a better shot of getting further in the tourney, and since he's got a monstrous challenge the next day, I'm thinking he gets some points today. UltraMantis Black wins.

12 Large Summit match - Claudio Castagnoli vs. Hallowicked

Hallowicked was the first person to win a 12 Large Summit match, besting Mike Quackenbush in an excellent match at Anniversario. But Claudio is another story entirely. The contest between Quack and Wicked was a spirited affair, since both men are friends and compatriots. This bout, however, will be brutal, filled with hate and anger, a true knock-down drag-out fight to the bitter end. Hallowicked may have won the first match in the tourney, but I don't think he'll make it to the finals. I've already hedged my bets that Claudio vs. Kingston will be the final match of this tourney (to put the final nail in their feud's coffin), and for that to happen, Claudio needs to win his matches. So I'm picking Claudio Castagnoli to win.

And that's today's (Friday) show. Now let's move on to Saturday's show:

A Demon in His Pocket

CLASH Special Attraction match - Cameron Skyy and Too Sweet vs. Gavin Quinn and The H3RD

I've only heard (no pun intended) of Cameron Skyy, who was a participant in last year's Young Lion's Cup tournament. And sine I've never seen a CLASH show, I'm totally in the dark here. So I'll just pick the guy I've heard of to win. Awful practice, I know. Cameron Skyy and Too Sweet win. I need to watch more independent stuff...

Hieracon vs. Vin Gerard

Despite losing his tag team partner of quite some time, STIGMA, Vin Gerard probably has to feel pretty good about defeating Brodie Lee in a 12 Large Summit match last month. And now that Lee is out of the tourney due to an injury, Gerard can claim that he's the only man who can lay claim to defeating Brodie in the tournament. Or something silly like that. This isn't a tournament match, but it should be a good match nonetheless. And I think that Vin needs the singles victory more than Hieracon, since Vin needs to get some momentum built up as a singles competitor now that the UnStable is no more. So I'm picking Vin Gerard to win. Eew, I think I need to take a shower after making that pick...

The Throwbacks (Dasher Hatfield and Sugar Dunkerton) vs. The BDK (Tim Donst and Jakob Hammermeier)

I'm actually a little disturbed at how many wins Jakob has. A small part of me wonders if this is just to get back at Lince Dorado for no-showing a couple of events (a fact I did not know about until recently, which explains why Dorado is no longer a part of CHIKARA (which is disappointing to me since I rather liked watching him get the crap beaten out of him on a regular basis (See: The Extremely Hilarious Deaths of Lince Dorado on the Youtubes))). I hope that isn't the case. Anyway, Hammermeier's gimmick of announcing himself, then running to the back and walking out all proud like he just got introduced by someone else is still hilarious to me. And while he isn't the greatest wrestler in the company, he's got the heel schtick down perfectly. He wears a vest and tie down to the ring, and always uses them to choke his opponents. He's actually very good for a man with limited in-ring academics. Anyway, I've blabbed on about Jakob for longer than most announcers will during a match of his. I don't think The Throwbacks will be winning two matches in two days, unfortunately. The BDK wins this match.

Gregory Iron vs. Icarus

Iron has been champing at the bit to get revenge on Icarus for months. He gets his shot on Saturday. And as much as I want to see him win, I just don't think it's going to happen while Icarus is part of the 12 Large Summit. Maybe once Icarus is eliminated from the tourney, Iron will get his revenge. But this time, I think Icarus gains the victory.



Okay, after some thought, I've decided to break this episode into two so I can retain some semblance of sanity. Also so this episode isn't twelve thousand words long. So stay tuned for part two, which will be posted either tonight or tomorrow!

Episode 19 - CHIKARA's Anniversario Weekend Spectacular

This episode of the Rantables Wrestling Blog is dedicated to the Macho Man Randy Savage. The last famous person whose death I felt this way about was George Carlin. You will be missed, Macho. This one's for you.



Since this weekend is kind of busy for me, I'm writing this while listening to Unplugged on the SNS Radio Network. This episode will be (relatively) brief, since I've got more important things to do. Let's start with Saturday's show:

ANNIVERSARIO AND HIS AMAZING FRIENDS

Hieracon vs. Brodie Lee

This is probably the biggest mismatch in a while for CHIKARA. Brodie has been nothing short of spectacular this year. His performance at Dragon Gate USA's iPPV in April was probably the best I've ever seen him. Hieracon, on the other hand, has been working his way up the ranks in CHIKARA, and being part of the Osirian Portal helps greatly. And with Amasis on the sidelines for an indeterminate amount of time, Hieracon will likely take over as Ophidian's tag team partner. But this is singles competition, and I have a bad feeling that this may be a warm-up for Brodie for his match on Sunday. I'm looking forward to seeing the contrast in styles, but when it all boils down, this match is going to go to BRODIE LEE.

UltraMantis Black vs. Chuck Taylor

Admittedly, I'm not sure what brought about this match. Unless these two have history dating back before 2010, of course. I need to learn me some CHIKARA history. Anyway, lack of a reason for this match notwithstanding, UMB and Chucky T are two consummate performers and should put on a good match. Both of their respective Trios are stinging from losses at King of Trios this year (UMB in the first round, Taylor in the finals), and I'd bet that they want to get their teams up and running again. However, UMB has something that Taylor doesn't: an outside feud that may distract him. Or UMB could use that feud as a motivation to tear through the Kentucky Gentleman en route to his Trios match the following day against The Dark Army. It's a toss-up, which is one of the reasons I love CHIKARA: not one match is predictable. Anyway, I think this match is going to go to ULTRAMANTIS BLACK, if for no other reason than he needs the win to get some momentum going into Sunday's bout with Sinn Bodhi and the Batiri.

And speaking of the Batiri...

The Throwbacks vs. The Batiri

Last month, during the Tag Team Gauntlet match, Dasher Hatfield and Sugar Dunkerton eliminated Obariyon and Kodama from the match in about a minute. This, however, came after the Batiri had what could be considered a normal-length match against Arik Cannon and Darin Corbin, so it wasn't a huge surprise to see the Throwbacks take the Batiri down. Both teams are looking to get into the title hunt, and a win today would give either of them their first point. Since only one team (that being Harada and Kotoge) has the three points necessary to challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas, getting another team started towards that goal is very important. And you know what? I think The Throwbacks deserve a shot. So I'm going with THE THROWBACKS to win this match.

Eddie Kingston vs. Sinn Bodhi

This could be a very intriguing match. A clash of...well, just about everything. The War King vs. The Warlord of Weird. I listened to the Art of Wrestling podcast with Bodhi a couple of weeks ago, and I was surprised at how soft-spoken he is outside the ring. I doubt Kingston is ever soft-spoken, but it doesn't really matter all that much. Kingston is probably the hardest-hitting man on the CHIKARA roster, so it should be fun to see if Bodhi can stand up to the punishment Kingston hands out every month. Though the reverse could also be true. This should be an interesting match for sure. But betting on Eddie Kingston is almost a sure thing these days. Usually, I would consider that a bad thing, but it's Eddie Freakin' Kingston. If you haven't guessed it by now, I'll say it in capital letters: EDDIE KINGSTON for the win.

Frightmare vs. Archibald Peck

After a somewhat unexpected debut a couple of months ago, Archibald Peck has actually started to grow on me. He had a good match with Colt Cabana at King of Trios, and he proved he's pretty good on the mic when he called a match that same weekend. But this could be his most important match yet. Frightmare is still the Young Lions Cup Champion, and it looks like he'll make it the whole year without losing it. Just three months stand between him and history. If Peck wins this match, he could either be in line for a title shot down the line or get a spot in this year's YLC tournament. Even though his gimmick is still a little silly to me, I am liking Peck more each time I see him. And whomever is booking Peck's matches is making sure he's going up against some of the best right from the start. I'm just not sure he can pull off a victory today. I'll pick FRIGHTMARE to win this match.

The Colony & Madison Eagles vs. The BDK (Ares, Pinkie Sanchez, Jakob Hammermeier, and Daizee Haze)

The leader of the BDK makes his return to CHIKARA after several months away, and goes right for the top: The 2011 King of Trios Champions, The Colony. I'm still a little surprised that Jakob Hammermeier is working so many matches. You'd think that the BDK would send out guys who are, well, better thank him. But I suppose having Tursas run in nearly every time helps. Madison Eagles has definitely earned her spot on the CHIKARA roster, and should be a strong teammate to The Colony. I suppose this all comes down to whether Jakob is reliable enough to not get himself knocked out before the match ends. And I can't imagine having the new King of Trios Champions losing just one month removed from their victory. So, I'm picking THE COLONY & MADISON EAGLES to win, further splintering the BDK.

3.0 vs. The UnStable

Well, I had a paragraph written up before I noticed that there was a stipulation attached to this match: the losing team can never team up again. That certainly puts a new spin on this match. Yikes. Although, now that I think about it, there's probably a good reason for this. Tag teams don't break up very often in CHIKARA. I think the last time that happened was at Through Savage Progress Cuts the Jungle Line, when both The UnStable and The Future is Now sort of dissolved simultaneously. Anyway, I think it would be pure foolishness to break up 3.0, as they work so well together that splitting them up would be nothing short of a travesty. The UnStable, on the other hand, may very well be nearing the end of their tenure together. Vin Gerard is part of the 12 Large: Summit, whereas STIGMA is not. This could be the beginning of a singles run for Gerard, or possibly a feud between he and STIGMA. But that remains to be seen. I'm going with my heart here and picking 3.0 to win. I just couldn't bear to see them split up.

12 Large: Summit Match - Mike Quackenbush vs. Hallowicked

The first match in the round-robin 12 Large: Summit could not be a better way to kick off the run to the CHIKARA World Championship. Mike Quackenbush takes on his protege, and a Gen 1 CHIKARA wrestler, Hallowicked. If there's one match I'm looking most forward to this weekend, it's this one. It's already been established that both of these men can go, and go they will today. Quack is simply a scholar in the ring, and Hallowicked is as dangerous as they come. Since this is a round-robin tournament, one loss is probably tolerable, so whichever man loses today, he still has a good chance to move on. I'm expecting these two to tear the house down. But only one man can win, and tonight, I'm going with what some may consider an upset. I'm picking HALLOWICKED to win this match. Why? Because Quack still is one half of the Campeones de Parejas, and until the World Champion is crowned, the Campeonatos are still the most prestigious titles in CHIKARA. Hallowicked isn't as focused in the tag division, so a win makes sense.

And now, for Sunday's show...

ANNIVERSARIO: THE LEGENDARY SUPER POWERS SHOW

Dasher Hatfield vs. Jakob Hammermeier

Huh. Jakob is getting more matches than nearly every other member of the BDK. How odd. I suppose it isn't bad if they're trying to build him up as a singles competitor despite the fact that he hasn't really done much of anything in the ring besides get the crap beaten out of him only to have Tursas run in and win the match for him. But hey, he's won more matches in the past couple of months than anyone else in the BDK, so that's gotta mean something, right? Right? Yeah, probably not. I'd love to see Dasher beat the snot out of Jakob, and that will probably happen. But outside interference has been the name of the game for Jakob, and I'm betting it'll happen again. So I'm foolishly picking JAKOB HAMMERMEIER to win this match.

Hieracon vs. Grizzly Redwood

The description of this match on the CHIKARA website is "The Tiny Titans Collide!" I love that. Both guys are maybe 5'6", maybe 160 pounds, but they fight like they're a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier. Hieracon is a devastating high-flyer, and Grizzly is one of the best at chopping down his foes. I am definitely looking forward to this match. I can't see Hieracon being 100% after having a match with Grizz's partner, Brodie Lee, the night before, and I think Grizz will take advantage of that. Hieracon's in for a tough weekend. GRIZZLY REDWOOD wins.

Sugar Dunkerton vs. Archibald Peck

Peck is getting two matches this weekend, which is a first to my recollection. And Sugar is a definite change of pace after Frightmare the night before. Sugar's been on a bit of a losing streak as of late, and I think he's in desperate need of some wins. Oddly enough, I picked both of these guys to win their respective matches on Saturday's show, so it's a pure guess as to who wins on Sunday. So I'll just go with SUGAR DUNKERTON to win.

The Colony vs. The S.A.T.'s

Wow, I wasn't expecting to see The Amazing Red and Los Maximos back in CHIKARA so soon, but here they are. And they haev a tall task ahead of them, taking on The Colony. Both teams have been together for a while, and they each have undeniable chemistry. How well will the teams mix, though? That remains to be seen. I hate to do it (I don't, really), but right now, I can't pick against The Colony, so I'm going with them, just like I did for Saturday's show. THE COLONY wins, but it should be a great match.

Eddie Kingston vs. Chuck Taylor

Sad to say Chucky T is probably just a small roadblock on Eddie Kingston's road to the 12 Large: Summit. I really like Taylor, but this is Kingston's weekend. Yep, this is a short description, I know, but it's probably the easiest match of the week to call. EDDIE KINGSTON wins.

The Spectral Envoy vs. The Dark Army

This feud continues its slow build. I'm wondering whether or not Sinn Bodhi is actually in cahoots with the BDK, since it has been alluded to on several occasions. And with UltraMantis Black's history with the BDK, this could get very convoluted very quickly. But the main question right now is who wins this match? This is the first time that this particular match is taking place, and it may determine who has the upper hand in the future. Who knows? I have a feeling that Bodhi and Co. have something devious planned for this match, and because they don't feel the need to obey the rules, I'm picking THE DARK ARMY to win.

12 Large: Summit Match - Brodie Lee vs. Vin Gerard

Man, Vin Gerard is gonna have a tough weekend. 3.0 on Saturday, and the Big Rig Brodie Lee on Sunday. I'd like to think he could persevere, but I don't see him standing up to Lee. Yep, another quick description and a win for BRODIE LEE.

Well, that's it for Anniversario Weekend. Thanks for reading, and I'll be back when I can.

Episode 18 - "The Look"

Wow, it's been quite some time since I wrote anything that isn't a picks or results episode, hasn't it? I think the last one was the end of year awards. Damn, five months without any really original content? I feel bad. Anyway, this episode could not have happened without the help of one JJ Sexay of the SNS Radio Network. So I have to thank him for that.

You see, last night, I was listening to Wrestling News Live, which I try to catch every Monday night (and you should too, because it's a damn good show). And near the end of the show, the hosts, JJ and Trey, were discussing WWE Smackdown and Christian's two-day World Title reign, when JJ made the following (paraphrased) statement: "Christian wouldn't fit as a World Champion because he doesn't have 'The Look.'" He went on to discuss how Christian wouldn't be a believable World Champion because he is "smaller" than most of the guys he'd end up facing (Sheamus, Mark Henry, etc.), and if he packed on some muscle, he'd be a more believable champion. I nearly blew a gasket hearing that. Now, JJ has been in the industry and stated that he "knows how the business works." But I cannot agree with that sentiment.

You see, as I've been hearing many times over the past couple of weeks, wrestling is a subjective business. Some people perceive it one way, others will perceive it however they want. And it's obvious that JJ and I do not perceive wrestling the same way. It's almost as though he's been brainwashed like so many people have into thinking that the most believable champions are the guys who look like they've spent half their lives in a gym and the other half purchasing steroids. Vince McMahon's "ideal" wrestler (oh, sorry, I mean ENTERTAINER) is tall, tan, and buff. If a guy isn't 6'4", 275 pounds, and has testicles the size of raisins, you can bet that he won't get much of a push at all, let alone a World Title reign that lasts more than three weeks. And don't start with the whole, "But John Cena's only billed at 240, so your argument is flawd HURF DURF." Cena is a former bodybuilder, and he sells merchandise like there's no tomorrow, so of course he's going to be at the top of the company. He still has most of "The Look" that Vince seems to have a perma-boner for. And when there are guys like Mason Ryan, who can't work a five minute match to save his life, on TV every week, but guys like Primo are relegated to the C-show at best, you know something is wrong with the company.

To me, wrestling should emphasize feats of athleticism over feats of strength, intelligence over brawn, memorable characters instead of memorable physiques. That's why I love CHIKARA: they entertain the fans through excellent wrestling, not soap opera-style storytelling that ends up making no sense and never having a proper conclusion. But the main reason I love CHIKARA is that just about anyone who wants to be in the ring can be in the ring. Look at Eddie Kingston. The guy looks like Joe Schlub, a true everyman. Yet I consider him to be the best wrestler in the world today because he has the three characteristics I mentioned earlier: intelligence, athleticism, and charisma. He doesn't have to look like he was chiseled out of granite to be entertaining, because he entertains through his in-ring work. Kingston is a master of telling a story in the ring, and he can work with anyone and have a good match. When you look at the competition he's had over the last year (Christopher Daniels, Bryan Danielson, Tommy Dreamer, Homicide, El Generico, Claudio Castagnoli, Akira Tozawa, etc.), that is one of the most diverse resumes in the entire world. Yet he always has a good match. And the last thing you think about when you watch one of his matches is, "Oh, man, that guy does not LOOK like World Champion material."

The point I'm trying to make here (in case you haven't gotten it already) is that it does not matter whether or not you have the Vince McMahon prototypical bodybuilder physique. If you can entertain the fans, you can be a credible World Champion. Christian is one of the most popular WWE guys with the fans, has a distinctive look, and has the Big Three traits. But you're discounting him as a World Champion just because he doesn't weigh 250 pounds? That's ludicrous.

I will mention that in the chatroom I said something to the effect of, "Size should not discount someone from being a World Champion." To which JJ retorted, "Well, what about Hornswoggle as a champ?" I did not reply to that, because it is an asinine statement to mane, but I will respond here: If Dylan Postl (the man who portrays Hornswoggle) were not burdened with a galactically stupid gimmick and given proper training, then even he could be considered World Champion material. At least, in theory he could be. Unfortunately, I have no idea if he has the Big Three traits, as his gimmick has all but cursed him out of ever being taken seriously in the business. By JJ's logic, guys like Bryan Danielson, Evan Bourne, and Yoshi Tatsu will never be credible or believable World Champions. Just because someone doesn't fit YOUR ideal "Look" doesn't mean that they don't fit everybody's ideal of what a World Champion can be.

With all that being said, I bear no grudge against Mr. Sexay or anyone at the SNS Radio Network. I am a loyal listener, and this will not stop me from listening to their shows for as long as I care to. I just felt like I really needed to get this off my chest before I either exploded or forgot what I was going to write about. If you don't like my opinion, then we can agree to disagree. Opinions are like assholes: everyone has one. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it.

Well, I feel a lot better now. Thanks for reading, and I'll be back soon with picks for CHIKARA's Anniversario weekend spectacular!

Episode 17 - Engulfed in a Fever of Spite!

Two things before I begin this episode.

First, I want everyone reading to wish Amasis of the Osirian Portal a speedy and full recovery. He was seriously hurt this week in a non-wrestling related accident, and is out indefinitely. I hope for a full recovery for you, Amasis. Get well soon!

Second, I would like to apologize to anyone who has been waiting for reviews of CHIKARA events over the past few months. I keep meaning to rewatch these shows and take notes in order to give you the best reviews possible, but I'm always getting sidetracked by other things in life. Rest assured, though, when I get all of my shit together, you can bet that I'll be doing a lot of reviews. I was recently informed (through Colt Cabana's awesome Art of Wrestling podcast) that there is a website that offers hundreds, if not thousands, of wrestling DVDs from Japan for insanely low prices. We're talking about $3 per DVD. And they've got a ton of classic Japanese stuff dating back to the early 1980's. And, according to Colt, if you use the promo code Colt Cabana, you get 40% off your order. So you're getting a ton of classic Japanese (and global) wrestling for less than $2 per show. Or, at least, the discount was around as of two or three weeks ago...I haven't checked to see if it's still applicable. Still, $3 for some great classic wrestling is a steal, so I'll probably be grabbing a bunch of stuff from there so I can steep myself in classic puro.

Okay, on to the show. I wasn't aware that there was a CHIKARA show this weekend until about two days ago. The timing is a little awkward, as next weekend is Anniversario weekend, so we're getting three shows in a week. But this is their debut show in North Carolina, and looking at the card, it seems to be a pretty solid show. So let's get down to picks, shall we?

The Kamakazi Kid vs. Tim Donst

I did a very quick search on The Youtubes for any matches featuring The Kamakazi Kid, but I could not find anything. Actually, I first looked up Kamikaze Kid, since that's what was written on CHIKARA's website, but that leads to an entirely different wrestler. So I know nothing about The Kamakazi Kid except that he wrestles for CWF Mid-Atlantic and CHIKARA is invading CWF this weekend. Or, actually, I think they're doing a show tonight. So that's that. More often than not, when you have someone from outside CHIKARA facing someone from CHIKARA, the home team wins. And since Donst is trying to prove himself as a great singles wrestler in case the BDK folds, I'll go ahead and pick Tim Donst to pick up this victory.

Daizee Haze vs. Grizzly Redwood

Ah, a battle of CHIKARA's smallest competitors. This should be interesting. At King of Trios, during the Tag Team Gauntlet match, Grizzly's team eliminated Daizee's team, also costing Daizee two points in the process. So I'd imagine Daizee is out for revenge. And it will definitely matter if either Brodie Lee or any member of the BDK are at ringside, since both are wont to interfere on their partner's behalf. Will Daizee gain her revenge? I think she might. Daizee Haze wins this match.

Mike Quackenbush and Frightmare vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus and Johnny Gargano)

(NOTE: The rest of this episode is being written on Saturday)

For some reason, I don't have anything to say about this match other than it should be entertaining as always. F.I.S.T. wins.

UltraMantis Black vs. Tursas

UMB continues his war with the BDK and the Dark Army, who at last check seemed to be in cahoots with each other. But his task is a tall one, as he takes on the largest member of the CHIKARA roster. While Tursas is a mighty foe indeed, it's been proven that he is beatable, albeit by a superhuman effort on the part of one Eddie Kingston. Will Mantis be able to overcome the odds? I can't see it happening today. Tursas wins.

The Throwbacks vs. The Osirian Portal

I'm not sure how this match is going to work, as Amasis was scheduled for this match. Will Hieracon take his place, or will someone else be Amasis' substitute? This is a battle between two of CHIKARA's tecnico teams, and with points in play, a win is always important. I believe that neither team has any points towards Campeonatos contention, so this could be the first step towards a title shot for either team. I'm not sure if the Throwbacks are done with the Roughnecks just yet, but with Amasis out, unless Hieracon takes his place for the foreseeable future, the Portal may go in for a cooldown period. So I'll pick The Throwbacks to win.

Hallowicked vs. Delirious

The former founding members of Incoherence collide! These are two seasoned ring vets, and they should put on a great show. Delirious' loyalty to Ares and the BDK looks to be straining, having been face to face with UltraMantis Black last month, and facing Hallowicked today could stir more memories in the clouded mind of the insane luchador. Could we see the first man to leave the BDK? Probably not today, but it could happen soon. I think Hallowicked gets the win here, and Delirious loses a little more of his connection to the BDK.

Eddie Kingston vs. Jakob Hammermeier

Jakob's two wins in CHIKARA have both been under dubious circumstances (read: outside interference from the BDK). But said interference backfired at Night 2 of King of Trios, when Tursas ca-RUSH-ed him with a flying crossbody. He cost the BDK's only Trio their shot at winning the trophy. Now, one wonders: is he being thrown to the wolves (or, in this case, the War King), or will he have back-up? I'm sure every person in the Mid-Atlantic Sportatorium, as well as every person who buys CHIKARA DVDs from Smart Mark Video want to see Jakob get his just desserts, much like I'm sure everyone who watches WWE wants Michael Cole to get his. But where WWE fails, CHIKARA delivers. I think today, Jakob's gonna get his freaking head punched in. Eddie Kingston destroys Jakob Hammermeier.

The Colony vs. The Batiri

I'm sure The Colony are riding high after their victory at King of Trios last month. Today, they have to face the team that they eliminated on Night 1 of the tournament. Only Kobald is replacing Sinn Bodhi. Without Bodhi, I'm not sure the Batiri are as strong as they are with him, but Kobald has proven to be a dastardly little devil in his short tenure. I'm sure The Batiri are anxious to gain revenge against the team that ousted them from King of Trios earlier than I expected. But, in all honesty, I think The Colony are riding a wave of momentum that cannot be stopped right now. So, I'm going with The Colony to win.

And there you have it. Sorry I kind of rushed the last 3/4 of the picks. Hopefully, next week's Anniversario picks episode will be more in-depth. So be sure to join me in a week's time for that. Until then, stay cool.

King of Trios Mini-Update

After having viewed all three nights of King of Trios 2011, I will say a couple of things. First, there is no way I could possibly cover the entire three-day spectacle in one episode, so I will be giving each night its own episode. Second, I will say that CHIKARA and Smart Mark Video outdid themselves by releasing the entirety of the tournament less than a day after the whole shebang had concluded. And finally, I will say this about the event itself: King of Trios 2010 is what got me initially hooked to CHIKARA, and King of Trios 2011 has made me a fan for life and given me hope for the professional wrestling community. If you have $50 to spare, for the love of (insert deity or lack thereof), BUY THESE SHOWS! I promise you, you will not be disappointed. It's the best wrestling show(s) I've ever seen. Look for three in-depth episodes coming in the next few days.

Episode 16 - King of Trios 2011

Before I begin today's epic episode, I very briefly would like to discuss two rather major news stories in the world of professional wrestling. First is the death of Larry Sweeney, and second is the retirement of Edge.

While I never saw Larry Sweeney perform aside from a brief return to CHIKARA in October of last year, I am nonetheless saddened by the news of his passing. The wrestling community has had an outpouring of messages discussing Sweeney and his superb talent. It makes me want to find some old footage of him just to see what everyone is talking about. I read a very heartfelt note from Bryce Remsburg on his Facebook page where he shared a couple of stories of Sweeney, and it made his death hit home just that much more. So even though I never knew Larry Sweeney, either personally or as an entertainer, I will mourn his death like I do all the wrestling names that mean something to me. Rest in peace, Mr. Sweeney. You will be missed.

Just a few days later, the wrestling world lost another of its best talents. Adam Copeland, better known as Edge, retired on Monday. He cited a very serious medical condition as one of the big factors for his retirement. But while I am saddened to hear about his sudden retirement, I am extremely happy for him at the same time. Edge has done what very few people can claim to have done: he is an 11-time world champion and has held over 30 WWE titles over his career. He was one of the longest-tenured WWE wrestlers as of Monday, and is one of the very few people to span both the Attitude Era and the current PG Era. His retirement will leave a huge opening for a new main eventer, and I truly hope that WWE doesn't completely fuck this situation up.

Okay, now that the big news items are out of the way, it's time for the biggest tournament in wrestling history: CHIKARA's King of Trios 2011! The build for this tournament has been nothing short of outstanding, and with talents from all over the world, this should prove to be one of the best wrestling shows of the year, hands down. King of Trios 2010 is what got me into CHIKARA in the first place, and it's going to be a great one-year anniversary for me, that's for sure.

Since most of the matches over the three-day extravaganza will be determined by matches from Night One, it's going to be very difficult to do any sort of predictions as to who will win what matches on Nights Two and Three. But, thanks to CHIKARA's website, I can at least speculate who I think will be involved in the matches already announced. But first, let's look at the 16 three-man teams involved in King of Trios, as well as the first-round match-ups.

Team Dragon Gate (Akira Tozawa, KAGETORA, and Super Shisa) - Sadly, I meant to prepare myself for this show by watching matches with every member of every team, but thanks to being very busy for the past week, I was unable to do so. However, I know for a fact that Akira Tozawa is an outstanding athlete, having competed at last year's Young Lion's Cup (where he was the last man eliminated in Night One's semi-final match), and putting on what I would consider the match of the night at Dragon Gate USA's Mercury Rising 2011 iPPV event two weeks ago against PAC. The Dragon Gate style of wrestling isn't exactly my favorite type of wrestling, but I cannot doubt that these three competitors are all very talented.

vs.

The Spectral Envoy (UltraMantis Black, Hallowicked, and Young Lion's Cup Champion Frightmare) - It would appear that the long-standing feud between Mantis and Hallowicked has been called off for the present, as UMB continues his war with Sinn Bodhi and the Dark Army. Mantis and Hallowicked are part of CHIKARA's first graduating class of wrestlers, and the experience they have will for sure factor in. Tack on the frenetic Frightmare, and you've got a very formidable team. And since this is a first round match, I think I'm going to have to give the win to The Spectral Envoy, if only because I really want to see them tangle with the Dark Army later in the tournament.

Team Australia (Kabel, Percy T., and Tama Williams) - I know nothing about any of these guys, and considering who they're facing in round one, I wouldn't be surprised if they made a quick exit.

vs.

F.I.S.T. (Icarus, Chuck Taylor, and Johnny Gargano) - We haven't seen F.I.S.T. team up since January, where they lost to the seemingly unbeatable Osirian Portal. Since then, Icarus has gone on a pretty strong singles run. But with the group united once more, I can't imagine them losing in the first round. However, I still wonder what has happened to the former third member of this team, Gran Akuma, who has not appeared in CHIKARA in quite some time. However, unless he shows up on Friday, I cannot see F.I.S.T. losing in round one. Therefore, I am picking F.I.S.T. to win this match and move on.

Team Michinoku Pro (The Great Sasuke, Jinsei Shinzaki, and Dick Togo) - Michinoku Pro was one of the puroresu promotions hit hardest by the disasters in Japan. For a while, Shinzaki was living out of his car, having lost both his home and his business. So this team is, by far, my sentimental pick to win the whole thing. This team has nearly 60 years of wrestling experience. That's SIXTY. No other team in this tournament can even come close to that number. And all three of these guys can go like nobody's business. Expect nothing less than a stellar performance from this team.

vs.

Team Minnesota (Arik Cannon, Darin Corbin, and the 1-2-3 Kid) - Were these guys not facing Michinoku Pro in the first round, I would have considered them a favorite to move to at least Saturday's show. Arik Cannon is pretty darn good for a guy his size, and even though he's getting up there in age, you can't discount Sean Waltman. Why he's bringing back the 1-2-3 Kid gimmick I do not know, but hopefully it'll be entertaining. I just hope Scott Hall's latest relapse won't keep Waltman from focusing on this match, because if I had a friend who fell off the wagon for the hundredth time, I'd probably be concerned for him as well. Anyway, though this team has its strong points, there's no way they're defeating the sentimental favorite. Team Michinoku Pro wins.

The Colony (Soldier Ant, Fire Ant, and Green Ant) - This match, along with the next, will be the toughest to predict winners. The Colony are, believe it or not, one of the most experienced trios in this year's tournament, having teamed together for about two years now. Green Ant is also getting his own little storyline wherein it is alleged that after his arm was broken over Young Lion's Cup weekend, some sort of super-strong rod was placed in his arm, granting him powers similar to that of Lex Luger. Only instead of a steroid-laden ex-bodybuilder, Green Ant is a (somewhat) gangly young man. The Colony made it to the finals last year, but I'm not so sure they'll make it back this year considering who their opponents are.

vs.

The Dark Army (Sinn Bodhi, Obariyon, and Kodama w/Kobald) - Bodhi and UltraMantis Black had a vicious fight last month, resulting in Mantis' mask being nearly torn off his face. I think it's safe to say that The Dark Army is no laughing matter, whatever Bodhi's in-ring gear and antics may say to the contrary. The Batiri continue to improve in the ring, and with Bodhi at the helm, they may end up going pretty far. This will definitely be one of the highlights of Night One, as both teams are very talented. But in the end, I think we're going to see another showdown between The Dark Army and the Spectral Envoy. Against my better judgment, I'm going with The Dark Army to win over The Colony. You heard it right here: last year's runner's up are going out in the first round. Yikes.

Bruderschaft des Kreuzes (Tim Donst, Delirious, and Jakob Hammermeier) - With last year's KoT winners sitting this tournament out (saying they have nothing to prove this year), it falls to Tim Donst and Co. to take on the challenge of making the BDK back-to-back King of Trios winners. But Donst might be a bit hampered by his choice of teammates. It seems that, with most of the rest of the BDK losing their matches as of late, Donst has turned to the unstable, unpredictable Delirious, and the only undefeated member of the BDK (and their ring announcer), Jakob Hammermeier. While I did find Hammermeier's antics last month rather hilarious (announcing himself, then running back behind the curtain and re-entering the arena as though someone had just announced his name), his in-ring debut was less than impressive. He all but lost to Green Ant, save for several other members of the BDK costing Green Ant the victory. Whether or not Hammermeier can prove himself remains to be seen, but he's going to get one hell of a test against the next team.

vs.

Da Soul Touchaz (Marshe Rockett, Acid Jaz, and Willie Richardson) - One could say that Da Soul Touchaz are one of the best trios in the world right now. And they still are looking for retribution after the BDK took out DST's manager and valet several months ago. Last month, all three members of Da Soul Touchaz lost their matches to members of the BDK, and I would think that this will only fuel the fire of this feud to new heights. I am really hoping for a spot with Willie Richardson and Jakob Hammermeier...a Pounce, maybe? And I really want Da Soul Touchaz to gain a small measure of revenge against the BDK. But I smell interference, be it from other members of the BDK or a crooked referee. Either way, The BDK wins and moves on.

"Lightning" Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw, and Manami Toyota - Quackenbush and Jigsaw have been pretty good champions since December, and adding Japanese joshi legend Manami Toyota to the mix will only strengthen their chances of winning. Oh, they probably won't win it all, but damn it if they won't put on one hell of a show. Unfortunately, it looks like their first round match will be kind of an easy match to pick.

vs.

Amazing Red and The Maximos (Joel and Wil) - Sadly, I've only heard of Amazing Red. But, with a quick search of Wikipedia, it appears that Red is the cousin of Joel and Wil Maximo, and they've been working together for quite some time in CZW and ROH, among other places. Red is a great performer, and I look forward to this match. But the result is about as predictable as they come. QuackSawYota win this match.

¡3.0lé! (Scott Parker, Shane Matthews, and El Generico) - This team gets the nod for BEST TAG TEAM NAME EVAR! Scott Parker and Shane Matthews team up with El Generico, and damn it all if this team isn't formidable. 3.0 has been embroiled in a feud with The UnStable, including a very awkward-looking segment last month where it looked like Vin Gerard was threatening a female fan and Shane Matthews took it upon himself to bash Gerard's head in and get the fan out of the arena. It looked like a shoot, but I have no idea if it was. No matter. This is another case where, were the team these guys are to face not a lock for the finals, I'd consider them a pretty good threat to make it deep into the tournament. Generico is better than ever, and this team could be great. But their opponents might be the best trio in wrestling today.

vs.

The Osirian Portal (Amasis, Ophidian, and Hieracon) - This team has not lost in five months. Think about that for a minute. When was the last time you saw someone not lose anything for five months? It just doesn't happen anymore. Not only are they arguably one of the most popular trios in the world, but they're one of the most talented. Hieracon is getting better every month, and might be the catalyst for the Portal moving to the elite level of tag team wrestling. You can bet that Ophidian won't be available to defend the Rey de Voladores title he won last year, because The Osirian Portal will win this match and go all the way to the finals.

Team Osaka Pro (Atsushi Kotoge, Daisuke Harada, and Ultimate Spider, Jr.) - Osaka Pro's team (with Tadasuke instead of Ultimate Spider, Jr.) made it to the semi-finals of last year's tournament. Kotoge and Harada were thoroughly impressive in their matches last year. But will the addition of Ultimate Spider, Jr. (who, incidentally, has one of the most awesome names ever) mean success or doom for this team? Well, let's take a look at their opponents.

vs.

The Throwbacks (Sugar Dunkerton, Dasher Hatfield, and MATT CLASSIC) - Sorry, I had to capitalize MATT CLASSIC's name because I'm so hyped to see him back in CHIKARA after a year-long absence that I may just pee myself a little. Aside from having a deliciously punny name, Classic is one of my favorite characters in all of wrestling. And I really, REALLY want to see more than one match with MATT CLASSIC. So, again, against my better judgment, I'm picking The Throwbacks to win this match.



Aside from these matches, there are only four other matches that aren't Trios matches, and only two of them have any confirmed participants. Archibald Peck of The Band has issued an open challenge, and on Saturday he will face...someone. We don't know who. More than likely, he will face either someone whose trio lost at Night One or another member of the CHIKARA roster. Whoever he faces, I'd expect Peck to get a severe beating. Maybe El Generico? I'd love to see that.

Also, Eddie Kingston has issued an open challenge, and that match will take place on Sunday. Whoever he faces will probably get a face full of fist, as Kingston is likely furious after his controversial loss to Claudio Castagnoli last month. It took seven people and an arm wrapped in steel chain to down Kingston. So this should be a royal beatdown if ever there was one. Kingston wins, no matter who he faces.

We're also getting the return of the Rey de Voladores tournament. Last year, Ophidian won. He won't be back to defend his title. Expect several guys who lost their Night One matches to appear, as well as some other indy favorites. Matt Cross won't be back, as he's probably at this point under a WWE contract. But look out for other high-flyers to appear. This should be a great mini-tournament as well.

And finally, we have the Ten-Team Tag Team Gauntlet Match, which last year had some truly memorable moments (the return of Dragon Dragon, for example). I'd think most of the teams who lost either of the last two nights to show up, as well as at least one unexpected team. As to who wins? I have no earthly idea. But whoever wins will gain points towards challenging for the Campeonatos de Parejas.

Now, I can't end this episode without predicting a winner of the King of Trios tournament. I have no idea how the brackets will be set up for Nights Two and Three, so there's no telling who will be facing who, when. But if I had to pick two teams to go to the finals, I would have to go with Michinoku Pro and The Osirian Portal. The Portal because they've been on a tear for five months, and Michinoku Pro because everyone wants them to win after the devastation in Japan. And I think that, after last year's fiasco, CHIKARA wants the fans to go home happy. And in this case, the fans will go home happy no matter which team wins. If Michinoku Pro wins, then the sentimental favorite has overcome all the odds and won the most prestigious tag team tournament in wrestling history. If The Osirian Portal wins, it means that their legacy has been solidified and they can build upon this victory to become one of the best three-man tag teams of all time. If you asked me to pick a winner, however, I think that having a team who can appear every month would help the company overall, and while I'm sure a lot of people would want to see Michinoku Pro win, I'm picking The Osirian Portal to win the King of Trios tournament. But I would expect the Portal to show the utmost respect to Michinoku Pro after the match, as they are three true legends of the business.

I am looking forward to King of Trios 2011. I'm looking forward more to the DVD releases. I wish I could have attended the show this year, but that was not to be. Maybe next year...

So that's it for this mammoth episode. Stay tuned for a Wrestlemania recap (I swear I'll get around to it), and some reviews of other shows I watched that were far more entertaining. Until next time, I'll see you next time. Yes, I actually meant to type that.

Episode 15 - Wrestlemania 27 Picks

And so begins my final foray into the bottomless pit of awful known as World Entertainment Entertainment. There might be the slimmest of chances I tune in to Raw on Monday night, but only - and I do mean ONLY - if Michael Cole is no longer a commentator. If Jim Ross is brought back, I would consider watching it. I would also consider watching it to see Sin Cara's debut. But I am at the point that, unless these things all happen Monday night, there is no way anyone could get me to watch WWE on a regular basis anymore. I cannot stand it. So today marks the second-to-last episode I will dedicate to WWE. The last will, of course, be the results and review episode that will be posted sometime on Monday. Without further ado, Wrestlemania 27 picks.

We are getting nine matches this year. Though, to be fair, two of them barely count as matches. These are the moments I am least looking forward to during the broadcast. The rest of the card is a solid "meh" rating. Whether or not the feuds were built well I do not know, as I have not watched a WWE program in three weeks. It feels nice to get the poison out of your system. Anyway, let's look at the card, shall we?

Six Person Mixed Tag Team Match - John Morrison, Trish Stratus, and (ugh) Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler and LayCool

I considered boycotting Wrestlemania this year because of this match. I am embarrassed for everyone involved in this match for having to work with a waste of oxygen who glorifies the worst parts of life. This Snooki creature should be taken out back and disemboweled with a wooden cooking spoon. It is what is wrong with this country. I may just avoid the match altogether, it's such a fucking disgrace. Morrison and Ziggler should have had a singles match. That could have been the show-stealer. But they're saddled with the burden of a mixed tag match. I can't imagine Trish being that great, and we know my problems with LayCool. If ever there was a bathroom break match in wrestling history, it's this one right here. The only way I would enjoy this match is if someone just outright killed Snooki. Then I might be happy. Here's hoping. Oh, picks. Right. Morrison and Co. win. I don't care.

Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

One of the big episodes I had planned for the future was to discuss how so many current WWE guys are seemingly trying to become copies of characters from the Attitude Era (Randy Orton = Steve Austin, The Miz = The Rock), and one that had come to mind a few weeks back was Cody Rhodes acting more and more like Mankind. Well, the old Mankind. You know, the insane Mankind. Cody's character had (until I stopped watching WWE programming) become one of the most fascinating characters in the entire company. Ever since he cut that backstage promo facing away from the camera, I wanted to see where he went. Of course, since I haven't watched Smackdown in three weeks, I don't know if Cody is still working in a suit. If he is, I will thoroughly enjoy this match. Hell, it should be a pretty good match anyway. Cody could be on the verge of a major push with this new character (if it still exists). And since I have no knowledge of how this feud is progressing, I'm going to give the nod to Cody Rhodes this time. Yes, I'm picking Cody Rhodes to win this match. How does that feel?

8-Man Tag Team Match - Kane, The Big Show, Santino Marella, and ??? vs. The CORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE

Apparently, the CORRRRRRRRE ambushed Vladimir Kozlov during Fan Ax...Acc...Axc...whatever the hell you call it, and it looks like Kozlov won't be competing. People are figuring that they took Kozlov out of the match in order to insert Kofi Kingston into the match, seeing as how Kofi apparently lost the Intercontinental Championship to Wade Barrett a couple of weeks ago. Why he lost, I do not know. Could this be the beginning of a main event push for Kofi? Yeah, I've been calling for that for a year and a half now, and it's never going to happen. Anyway, there's one way that this match could go from "pointless" to "vaguely interesting," and that's if Teddy Long swerves us and turns this match into a Money in the Bank Ladder Match that is sorely missing from the WM card this year. I know there's a PPV dedicated to this particular match, but that should never have been approved in the first place. Money in the Bank is the only Wrestlemania tradition we have besides the Undertaker's winning streak. And we're just going to kill MITB after six very successful years? Fuck that. This match is pointless. I don't care. The CORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE wins for no reason other than they're supposedly a cohesive unit.

Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Michael Cole (w/Stone Cold Steve Austin as the special guest referee)

Everyone is saying that King is going to destroy Cole. As much as I want to agree with you, I just have this awful feeling that somehow, Cole is going to win. You know why I feel that way? Because at CHIKARA's Creatures from the Tar Swamp show, the BDK's ring announcer, Jakob Hammermeier, won a match against Green Ant, an established wrestler, through the use of copious run-ins. I'm not saying that Vince is going to copy CHIKARA (or that he even watches CHIKARA in the first place), but I wouldn't put it past him to leave the fans with a bitter taste in their mouths after a feud that is one of the major reasons why I stopped watching this product. Sure, Lawler will get some good hits in, and might even cause Cole to miss an episode of Raw, but I think the presence of Jack Swagger (and maybe a run-in from JBL) could somehow ruin everyone's satisfaction of watching Cole get his face punched in. Or this could be Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon all over again. Whatever happens, you can bet that someone's getting a Stunner at the end, a la Lesnar v. Goldberg. So, against my better judgment, I'm picking...no...I just cannot write those words. I don't care if I'm wrong. I just cannot write those four words. If I did, I would stop watching all wrestling forever. Fuck it. Jerry Lawler wins.

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Punk is the best ACTUAL heel the company has going for them right now. Or, at least, he was as of three weeks ago. Whether or not he's lived up to that moniker I do not know. Orton has been boring since turning face, doing his best Stone Cold Steve Austin impression, complete with nickname, turnbuckle taunt during his entrance, and even adding in a few Stone Cold moves he's never used before a few months ago. But then again, Orton's always been boring to me. So I grit my teeth and sit through it. At least when he's got someone good to work with, he can look good. Punk is one of those guys. Also, I think WWE missed a major feud opportunity with Nexus vs. CORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE. Not that it would be entertaining anymore. Nexus is now talentless and CORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE is dull as dishwater save Justin Gabriel. You couldn't pay me to watch those two groups go at it now. Let's just forget about that and pick the match. Since I have no investment whatsoever, I'll just go with which guy I like more. So CM Punk wins this match.

United States Championship Match - Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan Danielson

People are saying this could be the show-stealing match. But that's impossible, because Sheamus is involved. Sorry, folks, I never warmed up to him, and probably never will. And while I am glad to see DBD at Wrestlemania, he should have appeared in a World Title match of some sort. Maybe next year he'll face the Undertaker. I can dream, can't I? Anyway, this could be the beginning of Danielson's eventual burial in WWE. He did nothing as US Champion, and unless Vince actually has a GOOD thought in his head for once, there's no way he'll push Danielson to the top. Such a shame. Speaking of shame, I'm going to feel some when I pick Sheamus to win and retain the US Title.

World Heavyweight Championship Match - Edge (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio

One of the reasons I've soured on Del Rio is that he delivered the exact same promo for the past three months. All he would say is that it's his destiny to win. And since he said it was his destiny to win the Royal Rumble (which he did), then it would follow that he'll win the World Heavyweight Championship. Will Del Rio be the next Sheamus (ie: winning a World Title way too soon in his WWE career)? You'd think so. But I have no goddamn idea. There's been some bullshit about Christian being involved in the match somehow. And while I like Christian most out of the three men mentioned, he probably won't play a big part in this match. Either that, or he'll determine the outcome of the match. But we really don't need more than one match where someone outside the match determines the outcome (see: the next match). So I figure Christian won't get involved, and Edge ends up winning and retaining the World Heavyweight Championship.

WWE Championship Match - The Miz (c) vs. John Cena

Does anyone remember back in 2009, when The Miz claimed an undefeated streak over Cena, and they built up their match for months, and then they had that match at The Bash (which I attended), and the match FUCKING SUCKED? My, how times have changed...wait...wait...nah, they really haven't. Miz is still undeserving of his spot on the roster, and Cena is still Superman. But we have a wild card here, that being The Rock. And, from what I heard, Cena punked out Rock last Monday night. So what do you think is going to happen? Ref bump, Rock interferes, costs Cena the match, and we get Cena vs. Rock at Summerslam. Joy. If only I gave a crap.

Sorry, folks, but I've gotten really cynical over the last couple of hours. I wrote the first half of this episode before having to tune in to the Dragon Gate USA iPPV show, and while it wasn't a bad show, it definitely was somewhat of a disappointment. And after a lackluster ROH show this morning/afternoon, I can't say that I'm entirely too pleased with my purchases this weekend. Sure, last night's ROH show was off the chain, but that's about it. And I cannot imagine Wrestlemania being any better than any of these shows. So I'm just going to try to finish this episode and move on with my life.

Anyway, Miz wins and retains the WWE Title.

No Holds Barred Match - HHH vs. The Undertaker

This should be the main event, but it probably won't be thanks to The Rock's involvement in the WWE Title match. Anyway, I'm so bored of HHH I could probably nap during one of his promos. And Taker probably needs to hang up the boots. Yes, I'm sure Vince wants to see him get to 20-0, as would I. But if that's to happen, Taker will probably need to take the entire year off after this match tomorrow. Anyway, it could be a decent match, but I'm not in the mood to care about it. Besides, it's the easiest match on the card to pick. Undertaker wins.

So there it is. Picks for the last Wrestlemania. Stick around, because next year, it's Entertainmentmania 1. WOOHOO! YAAAAAAY!

I'll stick to the indies, thankyouverymuch. Catch you all later.

Episode 14 - The Busiest of Weekends

Man, you want to talk about a crazy weekend for wrestling? This will probably be the craziest of the year. Even crazier than King of Trios 2011. And to celebrate my new-found indy-pendence, I've ordered not one, not two, but THREE wrestling shows that will take place this weekend. And no, Wrestlemania (or should I say Entertainmentmania) isn't one of them. No, I took the plunge and have bought the two Ring of Honor iPPV shows and the one available Dragon Gate USA iPPV. Since this is my first foray into the realm of iPPV, I am both giddy and a little cautious. This will be the first ROH show I've watched live, but I've heard from many people about the problems they've had in the past with their iPPV carrier, GoFightLive. However, since the two shows cost $20 TOTAL, I could not pass up this opportunity. Also, I've wanted to watch a DGUSA show since their first Enter the Something Gate show, which I had the pleasure of watching. I'd like to take a quick look at some of the big matches coming up this weekend.

The Kings of Wrestling (Claudio Castagnoli and Chris Hero) vs. Wrestling's Greatest Tag Team (Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin) - Today, these two titans of the tag team world will collide for the ROH World Tag Team Championships. Seeing as how both Castagnoli and Hero are two of the best wrestlers in the world, I think that Haas and Benjamin have their work cut out for them. But this is a dream match for plenty of indy fans, I'm sure. This could very well be the match of the night tonight.

Eddie Edwards (World Champ) vs. Christopher Daniels (TV Champ) - The main event of Friday's show (at least it's listed that way) pits the new ROH World Champion against the Fallen Angel in what should be one hell of a match. These two went to a time limit draw in February which I imagine must have been off the chain. And now they're locking up for the World Title...damn.

Colt Cabana vs. Dave Taylor (Saturday) - If this is the same Dave Taylor who worked for WWE a few years back, this should be one hell of a show. Cabana is the NWA World Heavyweight Champion, and Taylor is one of the grizzliest veterans you will find out there. I'll definitely be looking forward to this match.

The American Wolves (Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards) vs. Wrestling's Greatest Tag Team (Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin) - If Friday's Tag Team Title match wasn't a dream match for the IWC, this, no doubt, will be. I recently watched PWG's 2010 opener, Kurt Russelmania (which is one of my favorite show titles ever), and Davey Richards fought Kevin Steen in what I would call the match of the night. All four of these guys can go like whoa, and I cannot wait to see this match tomorrow.

CIMA, Naruki Doi, and Ricochet vs. Chuck Taylor, Johnny Gargano, and Rich Swann (DGUSA, Saturday) - Holy crap is about all I can say. While I miss Ricochet in CHIKARA (where he wore a mask and was known as Helios), I'm glad he's still working. CIMA and Doi speak for themselves. Taylor and Gargano are 2/3 of F.I.S.T., and Swann took Frightmare to the limit in February. I cannot wait for this epic trios match.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to every match of all three shows. These are just the ones that I REALLY want to see. And since today's ROH show will be starting in about two and a half hours, I think it's best that I wrap this up now instead of blathering on for another six or seven pages. I'll be back with reviews of all three shows, as well as my farewell WWE review, very soon. Until next time...