Having just now finished watching last month's CHIKARA shows, I feel it is necessary to crank out picks for this month's shows immediately, as today's show will be starting in...about two hours. Living on the west coast, I will not be attending, but I will certainly be looking forward to purchasing these DVDs when they're released...hopefully sooner than February's shows were. Let's get started with today's (Saturday) show...
OPERATION BIG FREEZE
Madison Eagles vs. Toshie Uematsu
I'm glad to see more women competing in CHIKARA other than Sara Del Rey and Daizee Haze. It isn't that I don't like Sara or Daizee, it's just better to have some variety. Madison Eagles had a very good match against Sara in Easton at Clutch of Doom (which I literally just finished watching about twenty minutes ago), much better in this man's humble opinion than her match against Daizee Haze in January. And now it appears that Madison will be a semi-regular competitor in CHIKARA. As the current SHIMMER champion, Eagles has to be considered a favorite. I know nothing about Toshie Uematsu, except that she's Japanese. But I'm a fan of Japanese wrestling. I constantly remind myself that I need to watch more of it. And after watching Manami Toyota's matches for CHIKARA in September of last year, I have high hopes for any Japanese woman coming to American soil. Madison lost her first match in CHIKARA (well, her first since 2008) before winning last month, so I'm wondering if something similar will happen to Uematsu. For this match, I'll pick Madison Eagles to win, though it's not a strong pick to be honest.
Da Soul Touchaz (Marshe Rocket and Acid Jaz) vs. The BDK (Lince Dorado and Pinkie Sanchez)
After taking February away from CHIKARA, Da Soul Touchaz are back in action against their bitter rivals. Today, they take on two of the more annoying (but talented) members of the Bruderschaft in Lince Dorado and Pinkie Sanchez. These teams have been embroiled in a feud for months, and it shows no signs of cooling off. Since the BDK took out DST's managers last year, DST has been on a mission to destroy the Swiss Army. Tonight, they get a chance at redemption against The Perfect Ten and whatever the hell Pinkie's nickname is. I like this matchup a lot. Marshe and Acid will match styles very well with Lince and Pinkie. This should be a high-flying affair with lots of crowd reaction. The BDK won in January (albeit by disqualification), and I'd imagine they're hungry for another victory. But I think Da Soul Touchaz will win, since they've simply got more emotion behind them. Expect a knock-down drag-out fight here.
3.0 and The Throwbacks vs. The UnStable and The Roughnecks
Last month, 3.0 took what had initially seemed like a throwaway match with The UnStable and turned it into a serious feud overnight. 3.0, in their universally hilarious glory, joked about Vin Gerard and STIGMA being boring, and at one point, Shane Matthews pulled a pillow out from under the ring and fell asleep on the ring apron. The feud continued the following night, as 3.0 again ruined The UnStable's chances at winning a match, only to have The UnStable return the favor later in the night. Now neither of these teams have any points and are looking for payback. The feud between The Throwbacks and The Roughnecks has been escalating for months, and continues to boil over with fury from both sides. I don't know if that last sentence made any sense, but I don't care. These two feuds will intertwine during this eight-man tag team match. At this point in the four teams' respective feuds, trying to pick this match is difficult. I would call the odds of winning even for both sides. Sure, one side has Brodie Lee, but we've seen in the past that he isn't invincible. I would flip a coin to choose the winner, but I don't have one nearby. So I'll just mentally flip one...
...
The coin came up heads. So I'll pick 3.0 and The Throwbacks to win.
Fire Ant vs. Icarus
Icarus is coming off two singles victories in February, though one was under dubious circumstances. He defeated Gregory Iron in a pretty awesome match, and then took out Ophidian the next night (through said dubious circumstances (AKA Derek Sabato)). Since the rest of F.I.S.T. is nowhere to be seen, Icarus will apparently again be going it alone this month. Fire Ant is coming off a huge victory with Soldier Ant against Claudio Castagnoli and Tursas at Clutch of Doom, and CHIKARA's Hottest Property is looking to keep The Colony's momentum going towards King of Trios. Fire Ant had the spot of the night at Clutch of Doom, where he leapt off an on-all-fours Tursas, caught Claudio with a headscissors, and as he (Fire Ant) was falling to the ground, he grabbed Tursas by the neck and slammed the big man's head into the mat with a ferocious DDT. It was a thing of beauty, definitely worthy of a Throwdown Lowdown highlight video (which, by the way, if you haven't seen, go to Youtube and type in Throwdown Lowdown for some killer highlights from past CHIKARA shows). Both of these men have something to prove in singles action, as well as building momentum for their respective trios for the upcoming King of Trios. But who wins? Icarus is on a roll, while Fire Ant hasn't had a singles match in a while. I'm giving this match (as much as it pains me to do so) to Icarus. Of course, if Derek Sabato is the referee, Icarus will pretty much be guaranteed the victory. But I won't know about that until the DVDs are released.
The Osirian Portal vs. Kizarny and The Batiri
Aside from Ophidian's loss to Icarus last month, The Osirian Portal has been on a major roll since adding Jonathan Gres...I mean Hieracon to their ranks. This young up-and-comer has given new life to a team that was already gaining huge amounts of viral notoriety. The Portal pulled the hypnosis out again at Caught in a Cauldron of Hate, hypnotizing the best referee in the world, Bryce Remsburg, and that was a grand old time, it was. The Batiri, though they lost in their bid for the Campeonatos de Parejas, got right back on track the next night with a victory over UltraMantis Black, Hallowicked, and Frightmare in what I would consider an upset. Thankfully, Kodama appears to have improved since January's outing, where he clearly injured himself botching a move with Hallowicked. Obariyon continues to impress, and with their leader back at the helm, they will be a formidable force indeed. But the Portal is so over right now it's crazy. The shot of energy Hieracon has given them may very well propel them to the top of the tag team world sooner rather than later. Can you say King of Trios? They'd be my early pick to win it all. But then again, the whole roster of teams has yet to be finalized, so I'm not going to make an official decision until then. I wouldn't be surprised if some foul play is involved in this match, especially if Derek Sabato draws this match. We say in January how he seemed to almost be in league with The Batiri, hinting at a possible alliance with the BDK. Whether or not this is true remains to be seen, but I would expect that if he is the ref for this match, we'll be seeing Kizarny's hand raised in victory. Still, at this point, it's too tough to pick against The Osirian Portal, and until they lose a big match, I'm going to keep picking them to win. So The Osirian Portal wins this match, but it won't be an easy victory for them.
Willie Richardson vs. Tursas
The two biggest men on the CHIKARA roster go head-to-head in what I'm betting will be the match that has the best chance of breaking the ring. If anyone has the gumption to be the second man to take Tursas off his feet, it's The Urban American Dream. Richardson is one of those talented big men who can do stuff a guy his size shouldn't be able to do. And since I've never seen him in a singles match, this should prove to be very interesting. On the other hand, I don't believe I've ever seen Tursas work a singles match that lasts more than about six minutes, so if something DOES happen, it'll happen quickly. I can't see this match going the whole way without outside interference, and as much as I'd love to see Willie Richardson pick up the victory, I just don't think it's in the cards tonight. Tursas wins.
Mike Quackenbush and Incoherence (Hallowicked and Frightmare) vs. The BDK (Claudio Castagnoli, Sara Del Rey, and Tim Donst)
Donst now holds the dubious record of being involved in the shortest match in CHIKARA history, being pinned by Max Boyer in four seconds in Reading, PA last month. Sure, Hallowicked pretty well cost Donst the match, but hey, a record is a record. Now, I'm sure, Donst is looking for retribution. Donst gained some measure of revenge after beating Jigsaw (with copious help from Derek Sabato), and for that, I'm sure Mike Quackenbush is looking to tame Donst's hide. And I'm sure each team just wants to tear the other a new bung-hole. The CHIKARA/BDK feud is still burning strong more than a year after they first arrived on the scene. See, Vince? THIS is how you book a feud. Not this whole "two months and you're done" approach. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. This match will not resolve a damn thing between the two factions, since the next day, even more conflict will arise. But it should be damned entertaining, that's for sure. I think The BDK is going to win this match, though honestly it's even money as to who will actually win.
And now, for Sunday's show...
CREATURES FROM THE TAR SWAMP
Green Ant vs. Jakob Hammermeier
Apparently this was just added recently. One of the feuds that's been brooding in the background over the past year is between the two ring announcers, Jakob Hammermeier and Gavin Loudspeaker. While I would normally not condone a match between the two, as wrestling should be left to the wrestlers, this one would probably work since it hasn't been crammed down our throats for months on end like certain other "announcers" who will remain nameless. And what better way to introduce Jakob to the ring than put him in a match with Green Ant, one of the better mat grapplers in the company. Green Ant had a great wrestling exhibition match with Mike Quackenbush last month, and I would imagine that he would teach Jakob a thing or two about what it means to be a wrestler. Unless Jakob's a quick learner, as he's apparently been training under Claudio for a couple of months. It should prove to be an interesting match. Probably not a five-star match, but interesting nonetheless. But I would bet that Jakob's got something up his white sleeve, and will probably manage to screw Green Ant out of the victory. Yes, I'm picking Jakob Hammermeier to win this match. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take a scalding hot shower.
Toshie Uematsu vs. Sara Del Rey
As I stated earlier, it's nice to finally have some variety in CHIKARA's women's division, and if Toshie Uematsu has a good match with Madison Eagles, she'll probably have a good match with Sara Del Rey. I probably should have done more research before making picks for matches that involve wrestlers I've never seen before. I'll probably see if I can find some Toshie Uematsu matches on Youtube after I'm done writing this. Anyway, I remember Dragon Yuki coming in to CHIKARA in October of last year and losing both of his matches. Will the same fate apply to Uematsu? I have no idea. But taking on Madison Eagles and Sara Del Rey in one weekend might be too tough, even for a Japanese wrestler. Then again, if they want her to return, they'll probably give her at least one victory this weekend. Hell, since Sara lost to Madison Eagles last month, I'll say she loses again on Sunday. Toshie Uematsu picks up the win in an upset.
3.0 vs. The UnStable
You know the story already. Now we get the rematch. 3.0 has been supremely entertaining over the past few months, and with their entry into King of Trios with The Generic Luchador, El Generico, ingeniously naming themselves ¡3.Olé!, they're sure to be the funniest trio this year (save maybe The Throwbacks). But their antics last month were apparently not entirely meant to be, as Shane Matthews apologized in a blog entry just a couple of days ago, citing intake of a Red Bull as the catalyst for his outbursts and eventual crash that culminated in his falling asleep midway through a match. I would imagine that whichever team had won the night before would lose this match, and since I picked 3.0 and The Throwbacks to win on Saturday, I'll pick The UnStable to win on Sunday. Yeah it ain't a pretty formula, but it's probably what's going to happen for a feud that's just starting out.
The Osirian Portal vs. The BDK (Tim Donst, Lince Dorado, and Pinkie Sanchez)
The Osirian Portal continues to take on strong trios en route to King of Trios 2011. They defeated a very similar BDK team in December. Then they beat F.I.S.T. in January. Then The Colony on February 19th and were the last men standing in a four-way elimination tag match on February 20th. You can see why I have a tough time picking against them. Also, getting however many millions of views on Youtube is a good reason to keep their momentum at full speed. Not that they deserve it based solely on Youtube video views. The Portal is a supremely talented trio who deserve this push as much as anyone else right now. On the other side of things, Tim Donst is heading the only BDK trio into King of Trios. Could this be the team he takes into Philadelphia the weekend of April 15th? This was the BDK's team that nearly made it to the finals last year but were stopped by The Colony, so I'd imagine they'd love to get some revenge on last year's runners-up. But they have to go through the world's hottest trio, and I can't see that happening right now. If this was six months ago, I'd say the BDK has the advantage. But right now, the Portal is red hot and I doubt they'll be losing a trios match soon. The Osirian Portal wins and continues their rise to the top of the trios world.
Young Lions Cup Championship Match - Frightmare (c) vs. Obariyon
Last month, Frightmare tied Max Boyer's record of five title defenses. Sunday, he goes for his record-breaking sixth against a man who made his debut at the Young Lions Cup Tournament last year and has had one hell of a year, Obariyon. Obariyon has proven to be the stand-out in Kizarny's Dark Army, fiendish, strong, and deft and agile as any high-flyer. Plus, his face paint scares me a little. Last month, Obariyon pinned Frightmare in their trios match. But that was a trios match. And Frightmare is one of the best singles wrestlers in CHIKARA right now. Obariyon has not had a singles match since August of last year. Will that come into play? I have no idea, but it's a good way to reason out Frightmare retaining the title. At least, I'm guessing he will. Despite strong competition, Frightmare wins and retains the Young Lions Cup.
Lumberjack Match - The Throwbacks vs. The Roughnecks
In what is being billed as CHIKARA's first ever Lumberjacks Match, the hotly contested feud between The Throwbacks and The Roughnecks will reach a head. These two teams have been fighting back and forth for nigh on six months now, and you can't end a feud like this with any normal match. While I don't think this feud is necessarily over, a gimmick match like this will definitely keep the fire burning bright. One wonders who will be chosen as lumberjacks in this match, as it could very well turn the tide of the match and give one team an advantage. But I believe that since I picked The Throwbacks to win on Saturday, we'll see a reversal of fortune and The Roughnecks will win this match.
And since the Saturday show is set to start in about five minutes, I'll crank out these last few picks real quick so as not to seem like I'm cheating.
UltraMantis Black vs. Sinn "Kizarny" Bodhi
This feud is far from over. Unless I've missed something, we still need some more promos between the two to explain the story more. I'll have to catch up on the CHIKARA Event Center videos on Youtube just to see. Nevertheless, I'm hoping this is more of a match than their January encounter. I think Kizarny will win this match, though it won't be without its controversy.
Campeonatos de Parejas Match - Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw vs. The Colony (Soldier Ant and Fire Ant)
I'm not sure why The Colony is challenging for the titles. To my recollection, they don't have the three points necessary to challenge for the belts. But it says that this match is for the Campeonatos, so I'll go with what the website says. Two mega-face teams taking each other on...should be a great high-flying affair. But I don't see QuackSaw losing the tag titles just yet. Quackenbush and Jigsaw retain the Campeonatos.
Eddie Kingston vs. Claudio Castagnoli
Oh, if only I had some more time to discuss this blood feud. But it's finally happening! We're going to get the match that Eddie Kingston has been begging for for a year. The end to Clutch of Doom was so intense, I found myself salivating at the thought of this match. Sadly, I won't get to see it for a couple of weeks, until the DVD is released. And I keep away from results since I want to know who wins when I watch the show, not as soon as the show is over. No matter the result, this is going to be one epic match. But who wins? You have no idea how much I want to see Eddie Kingston win this match. But I just have a bad feeling that we'll be left with a sour taste in our mouths once this match is over. I hate to do it, but I'm picking Claudio Castagnoli to win this match.
And as stated earlier, I need to take a shower after saying that.
Thanks for reading, and please boycott Monday Night Raw for having that gelatinous tapeworm, that waste of oxygen, that life reject, Snooki, as the guest host. Boycotting Raw this week will make things a lot easier for me in the future. My big announcement will be revealed very soon.
Catch you all on the flip side!
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