Episode 3 - TLC Picks

Welcome to Episode 3 of Rantables! This will be the first (on the new blag, anyway) Pay-Per-View picks post I will be making. Sadly, they will not have a hilarious pun for the title, as the other posts will have. Also, for future reference, tomorrow I will be posting results and my thoughts on the show. This is the format I've been using for nearly two years on the other blag, and I see no reason to change it. Now, on to the show!

For a PPV with an unimpressive lead-in, the show itself looks pretty decent. Six matches, all stipulation matches, and a couple of unique matches we've not seen. Get ready for TLC!

Women's Tag Team Table Match - Natalya (c) and Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool and Layla

Seeing as how Vince loves promoting women being total bitches to each other, they gave Michelle McCool the Diva of the Year Slammy Award. Or, rather, she won it in a battle royal. Not exactly the best way to crown the Diva of the Year, but I digress. LayCool has been annoying the hell out of everyone for well over a year now, and I for one would really like to spend my Friday nights watching something entertaining. Michelle and Layla have been nothing but petty schoolgirls making fun of other women for seemingly no reason and resorting to the lowest common denominator when they do so. Yes, it's their character, but it's gotten very old. I was over them after the whole Mickie James fiasco, and that was almost a year ago! Can we please move on to a point where the women in this company can be respected for their athleticism and dedication to their craft rather than reviled for their childish acts? I have all the respect in the world for Nattie Neidhart. She's above all this, and she's by far the most talented woman WWE has employed right now. If WWE would take a page from CHIKARA's notebook and let the women work with the men (the women with any semblance of talent, anyway), I might get around to respecting Vince's choices a little more than I have been (which would be none at all). Anyway, I'm hoping for a complete squash of LayCool. I'll go ahead and say Natalya and Beth Phoenix win the match, by simultaneously putting Michelle and Layla through tables. Oh, how glorious that moment will be. And if it doesn't happen, at least I can imagine it happening. Aaahhhh, that was satisfying.

#1 Contenders Ladder Match for the WWE Championship - Sheamus vs. John Morrison

This match will determine the outcome of the WWE Title match, which I would think would be later in the card. If Sheamus wins, then Randy Orton wins, and if John Morrison wins, The Miz will retain the title. But really, do we need to see Orton vs. Sheamus again? They've had two programs this year already: once at the beginning of the year, and once a couple of months ago. Besides, I will probably never think Sheamus is truly a main event-level talent. John Morrison has been needing this push since he and Miz broke up a couple of years ago. In my mind, the wrong guy was pushed to the top. But you already read my tirade on Miz in Episode 1. And if you haven't, please do read it. Anyway, this match favors Morrison in it being a ladder match. Knowing Morrison, he'll attempt some crazy insane move off the top of a ladder onto a prone Sheamus laying on the announce table or something. I'm still miffed that Morrison's insane dive off the stage in his Triple Threat match against Miz and DBD didn't win Holy Poop Moment of the Year. Morrison has all the tools to succeed. Last year, people were calling him the next Shawn Michaels. But his character is stagnant, and it needs s jump-start. A swerve heel turn would put new life into his persona, which has been lacking since he turned face. He's energetic, flashy, and full of talent. The only thing he needs is an actual push. I just hope this isn't one of those "one-and-done" pushes that guys like MVP and Evan "Matt Sydal" Bourne have had (Sidenote: I'd really love to see MVP take on Eddie Kingston sometime. I think they'd have an awesome brawl). If Morrison wins, it will be the culmination of a nearly two-year-long feud between him and Miz that really should have been taken advantage of when they first split. But hey, better late than never, right? That's my hope, anyway. I'm picking John Morrison to win this ladder match and move on to face Miz at the Royal Rumble.

Chairs Match - John Cena vs. Wade Barrett

I'm actually a little disappointed that they never used the "Juan Cena" gimmick that had been used in house shows during the time Cena was "fired." I know it's a silly gimmick, but I enjoy it. For those of you who didn't hear, during house shows after Cena was fired, his "Mexican cousin, Juan Cena" would wrestle matches wearing a mask. Everybody knew it was Cena, and I'm guessing that because of crowd reactions, they never used the gimmick on TV. Like I said, it's a silly gimmick, but it's one I never really get tired of. Heck, it saved Miz's career after he was "fired" from Raw a year or so ago. Anyway, to the match. I guess you could say this is the best feud going right now, but that really isn't saying terribly much. At least Cena's managed to help get a total of ten guys over in the past six months. The entire Nexus owes a humongous debt of gratitude to John Cena for helping them get to where they are today. Well, they're not doing terribly well right now, but for a time they were the strongest faction in the WWE in quite some time. Having between four and eight guys helped, as more bodies equals more power. At least, in theory. Cena has managed to whittle the group down, and is now facing Barrett for control of Raw (again). I'm not entirely sure what a Chairs Match entails, but I would imagine that steel chairs are legal. Whether anything else is is a matter of debate, and we won't know until tonight what all else can happen during the match. I'm betting that outside interference is grounds for disqualification, so the rest of Nexus will likely not be able to interfere in the match. And judging by how much the fans want to see Cena exact his revenge on Barrett, I'd be very inclined to give the win to him. But something tells me that something funny is going to happen, and we won't get a real conclusion to the match. I'm betting we're getting a rematch at the Royal Rumble. So the crowd doesn't get what it wants. I think Wade Barret will win, though by what means I do not know. Either that, or it's a No Contest with Nexus interfering like they always do.

Intercontinental Championship Triple Threat Ladder Match - Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger

This could be the sleeper match of the night. Ziggles and Kofi have had some good matches, and putting ladders in their hands and telling them to go nuts is only going to make everything that much crazier. The only reason Jack Swagger is in this match is to help protect Ziggles, who's still recovering from a concussion he suffered at Survivor Series. Probably when Kaval gave him a stiff kick to the face. But he's persevered, and managed to hold onto the title until now. For that, I give him a hearty thumbs up. But does he lose the title here? Swagger's been toiling around doing nothing of importance since he lost the World Heavyweight Championship a few months back, and Kofi is due any day now for a push to the main event. Or at least that's what I've been saying for a year now. So I don't think either of them would benefit from an Intercontinental Title reign, even if it's brief. Ziggles is really starting to pick things up, and a loss here would ruin his rising star. I'm going to pick Dolph Ziggler to win and retain the Intercontinental Championship.

By the way, why isn't the United States Championship being defended? Moving on...

WWE Championship Tables Match - The Miz (c) vs. Randy Orton

I do not get Randy Orton's popularity. It's like he's trying to be this anti-hero like Stone Cold Steve Austin was a decade ago: an anti-establishment character concerned with only one thing - winning at all costs. But he never really seems to have left his heel persona behind. So I'm not a fan. It doesn't help that I'm still questioning his real life persona after what he did a couple of years ago, trashing hotel rooms in Europe. I would imagine he's cleaned up his act since he's a father now, but I'm still wary. You all know my thoughts on the Miz (go read Episode 1 if you haven't already), and I would prefer Orton to be champion than him. But Miz has enough outside help that it's going to be difficult for anyone to take the title from him. As long as Alex Riley is outside the ring and Michael Cole behind the desk, there are two men who will likely screw over anyone who might be in a position to win. Besides, the (hopefully) upcoming Miz/Morrison feud would require Miz to still be champion. And since WWE seems to be pimping Miz out to every media outlet like a prostitute, I'd imagine he'll be champion for at least a little while longer. So I'm picking The Miz to win and retain the WWE Championship. I'd imagine copious interference, though, so like every one of Miz's wins, it's a weak win.

World Heavyweight Championship Fatal Four Way Tables, Ladders, and Chairs Match - Kane (c) vs. Edge vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio

Why this was changed from Kane vs. Edge to a Fatal Four Way match is beyond me. It screams that the title is changing hands, just not to who we thought it would go to as we'd been thinking for the past month. Del Rio has proved that he's a pretty damn good competitor, but maybe not quite yet deserving of the many weeks of hype he got before his debut. Is he World Heavyweight Championship material? Perhaps. But I'm not a fan of giving a fresh face a World Title to help establish their identity (see: Jack Swagger's ECW Title reign, Sheamus' WWE Title reign). Del Rio is significantly more talented, both in the ring and on the mic, than both Swagger and Sheamus combined, but I still would hope that he gets built up to receiving a World Title run, not using it as a prop to make him better known. Mysterio, I have absolutely no idea why he's in this match. He doesn't really need another World Title reign, and when I last checked, he was hoping to take some time off to help heal some nagging injuries. Pile this on top of the worst feud of the year and you've got a recipe for a major clusterfuck. Yes, Kane and Edge's program is the worst high-profile feud of the year. They'll be getting an award for it at the Ranties award show at the end of the year. Edge will be receiving another Rantie, but you'll have to wait until that Episode is posted to find out what it is. Anyway, this probably won't be the quality ladder match we'll get from the Intercontinental Championship match, as all four competitors in this match are 33 years old or older. What does this mean? It means that all four men have been in the business for many years, and they are going to take fewer risks than the younger guys in order to preserve their ailing bodies. Rey Mysterio has been in the business for over 20 years. Kane and Edge have each been around for over 15. And Del Rio has been working for a decade. That's 60 years of in-ring experience between the four guys. I can't imagine any of them doing any completely insane stunts like they might have done 10 years ago. Still, someone might pull off some completely crazy spot in the match, like Rey scaling a ladder that Kane is holding vertical or something similar. But the important part is figuring out who's going to come out of the match with the World Heavyweight Championship. Mysterio is out, as he's supposedly taking time off. I don't really think Edge needs another title run, though being a 10-time World Champion sounds a lot better than a 9-time World Champion. It has that round feel, ya know? I think Kane may, in fact, lose the title, but not to Edge. I have a feeling that Vince McMahon will be, once again, putting a World Title on a (mostly) unproven talent. Call me crazy, but I'm picking Alberto Del Rio to win and become the NEW World Heavyweight Champion. Hey, at least one title needs to change hands tonight, right?

Okay, there you have it. Survivor Series picks by yours truly. And with two hours to spare! So stay tuned, as tomorrow I'll be giving a recap of the show, as well as my thoughts and opinions of what went down. Stick around for that episode, and I'll see you all real soon!