Welcome to Episode 2 of what I hope to be a long-running blog series. I should have been posting content more frequently, but at least I'm writing now. Also, any comments on the titles are appreciated. If you want me to stop with the puns, I will. Actually, I probably won't. But I do appreciate feedback.
I almost felt like giving this week's subject a reprieve, what with the events of Raw happening and all. But I will not stay my opinions, for they must be heard! So begins Episode 2.
Michael Cole...he's become such a central figure of Monday Night Raw in the past six months. And to think that nobody ever expected him to be anything more than a backstage interviewer. But he has his share of haters. Oh, does he ever have his share of haters. Admittedly, I am one of them. But I actually have reasons as to why I hate him. Not the person, mind you (though I do have some issues with him, but I'll save that for later). Rather, I am perennially annoyed by his character.
Now, I have several problems with the character of "Michael Cole, Raw Play-By-Play Announcer." To quote the title of a CHIKARA show (mind you, I will likely be citing CHIKARA many times as I feel it is the best wrestling promotion in the world today, but more will be said about them in future episodes), wrestling announcers need "Wit, Verve, and a Bit O' Nerve." Cole has none of these, and it hinders his ability to entertain an audience the way a more talented announcer can. The fact that he has no character also hinders his ability to entertain. Let's look at each aspect in greater detail, shall we?
wit [wit] - the keen perception and cleverly apt expression of those connections between ideas that awaken amusement and pleasure (credit to all definitions goes to dictionary.com)
If you've seen any WWE show over the past decade or so, you know that Cole has no wit. Cole has never been able to connect two events together seamlessly, and he covers it up by discussing either the main event of the evening or a storyline completely unrelated to the match going on. He has had to rely on his color commentators to do that. Thankfully, he's usually had very good partners at the announce table (Tazz, JBL, and more recently, CM Punk), so this flaw is oftentimes covered up. But during his most recent tenure as Raw's play-by-play announcer, his lack of wit has really shone through. Wit could also be thought of as one's ability to improvise and banter with fellow announcers, and it is this area where Cole truly shines as a bastion of pathetic-ness. Listening to him and CM Punk working together on Raw is as though we are listening to two entirely different talent levels. Punk has been nothing short of spectacular in the few weeks he's been a part of the Raw broadcast team, and he certainly has it as a career choice once his in-ring days are finished. Punk is smart, quick-witted, and highly attuned to the business as a whole, not just the WWE. Seeing him wearing an I (Star of David) Colt t-shirt under his sport coat a couple of weeks ago probably made every smark fan wet themselves with joy. I know I did. Figuratively, of course. Punk isn't afraid to be himself and censor his thoughts. Ditto Matt Striker, though only when he's on PPV, since I'm sure they censor most of his commentary on Smackdown. But it's these types of things that make them great commentators, and Michael Cole's complete lack of wit has doomed him to be reviled by the general populace. But wait, there's more!
verve [vurv] - enthusiasm or vigor; liveliness
Michael Cole used to have verve. Back when he was a young buck working on Smackdown, he had bundles of energy. Sometimes, he shows energy during matches. But they are more through various strange and random sound effects he makes instead of calling moves in the ring. I highly doubt that there are dozens of moves called "OOOOOFFFFVVVV!" At least, that's what someone would think they are called if they were watching wrestling for the first time and had to experience Cole's calls. At least the other play-by-play men have some semblance of verve while calling matches. Josh Matthews, during his calling of this past week's Raw, was chock-full of vigor during the matches, especially during the climaxes of the matches. Even CM Punk, who plays his part perfectly, knows when to emphasize the action in the ring. Hell, even Todd Grisham does this well. But Cole only does it occasionally. And it's usually during title matches. Michael Cole should take a lesson from some of the indy commentators, especially Bryce Remsburg while he's calling CHIKARA matches. During the craziest of the crazy spots, it sounds as though he's jumping out of his seat, screaming at the top of his lungs. And it's fantastic! It really feels like he's getting into the match as much as the fans are. When you show enthusiasm, it tells me that you're a fan of the product. Yes, it's important to be low-key sometimes, but you have to know when to expend energy while calling a match.
But wait, there's more!
nerve [nurv] - boldness; audacity; impudence; impertinence
Now, here is where some of you may think Michael Cole shines. However, I think he does not, in fact, cover this quality. Instead of having "A Bit O' Nerve," Cole is just an asshole. His character is nonexistent. And "Asshole" doesn't count as a character. It is a trait that is PART of a character. Actually, this somewhat explains his seemingly sexual attraction to The Miz. They're both assholes, with no real character in mind.
Sidebar: I don't always believe that a wrestler has to portray a character. But those that are merely themselves have copious talent, both in the ring and on the mic, to make up for a lack of a character choice. Guys like Mike Quackenbush come to mind when I think of a wrestler who doesn't portray a specific character on screen. And he doesn't have to, because he lets his in-ring talent speak for itself. Sidebar Complete.
Sure, Cole gets on my nerves all the damn time. But it's because his only character trait is...how to put this nicely..."Giant Dick-Hole." I understand that the purpose of a heel announcer is to oppose any face announcers and face wrestlers, but at least the great heel announcers back up their heelish tactics with wit. If you look back at announcers like Jesse Ventura and Bobby Heenan, they use many of the same verbal tactics Cole uses, only they provide insight at the same time and have copious intelligence to back up their villainous personas. It also helps that they were true characters instead of character traits. It also helps a heel announcer to have reasons for opposing the face wrestlers. Cole's entire shtick began because he derided Daniel Bryan Danielson for NO REASON AT ALL. Cole always describes DBD as a nerd and cites that as his only reason why he acts as a heel towards Danielson. It's a petty attempt at getting as much heat as possible, but it just gets annoying more than anything else.
But what makes it even worse is that Cole still cheers for some of the babyface wrestlers. He's still hugely supportive of John Cena, and that weakens his credibility as a heel announcer. It also hurts him that he isn't a former wrestler himself, and as such has almost no experience working matches the way every color commentator has. It's easier to believe a color commentator as a heel because they have established characters. The play-by-play man's job is to call the action and to be a foil for the color man, not to provide his own opinions.
I do realize that the majority of the nerve section stems from Vince McMahon being in Cole's ear during the entire show, but you would think that an announcer should be able to think for himself. When you have an announcer who speaks from his own mind and heart instead of the mind of someone else, that's when you get truly great announcers. I firmly believe that Jim Ross called most of his matches from his own mind, and that is what made him one of the greatest announcers of all time. Well, that and his ability to actually call a match move for move. The same goes for Joey Styles.
So, there you have it. A (hopefully to you) well-thought-out explanation of Michael Cole's shortcomings as an announcer for WWE. I would hope that he is taken off the announce table soon and revealed as the Raw General Manager so he can perform as a character instead of just a character trait. I would love to see (and hear) Jim Ross back at the helm, but I think he's happier not having to travel every week. I could envision CM Punk and Jerry Lawler working as a duo, or perhaps keeping Josh Matthews on Raw for the foreseeable future. Either way, it makes Raw immensely more tolerable to watch than with Cole doing play-by-play.
I hope you've enjoyed Episode 2 of Rantables. Stay tuned for more crazy ramblings, and be sure to check out my end of the year awards, the Ranties. They won't be around for about another three weeks, but do check them out when they arrive. Thanks for reading, and I'll rant at you again soon!
No comments:
Post a Comment