Friday, May 20, 2011

Episode 19 - CHIKARA's Anniversario Weekend Spectacular

This episode of the Rantables Wrestling Blog is dedicated to the Macho Man Randy Savage. The last famous person whose death I felt this way about was George Carlin. You will be missed, Macho. This one's for you.



Since this weekend is kind of busy for me, I'm writing this while listening to Unplugged on the SNS Radio Network. This episode will be (relatively) brief, since I've got more important things to do. Let's start with Saturday's show:

ANNIVERSARIO AND HIS AMAZING FRIENDS

Hieracon vs. Brodie Lee

This is probably the biggest mismatch in a while for CHIKARA. Brodie has been nothing short of spectacular this year. His performance at Dragon Gate USA's iPPV in April was probably the best I've ever seen him. Hieracon, on the other hand, has been working his way up the ranks in CHIKARA, and being part of the Osirian Portal helps greatly. And with Amasis on the sidelines for an indeterminate amount of time, Hieracon will likely take over as Ophidian's tag team partner. But this is singles competition, and I have a bad feeling that this may be a warm-up for Brodie for his match on Sunday. I'm looking forward to seeing the contrast in styles, but when it all boils down, this match is going to go to BRODIE LEE.

UltraMantis Black vs. Chuck Taylor

Admittedly, I'm not sure what brought about this match. Unless these two have history dating back before 2010, of course. I need to learn me some CHIKARA history. Anyway, lack of a reason for this match notwithstanding, UMB and Chucky T are two consummate performers and should put on a good match. Both of their respective Trios are stinging from losses at King of Trios this year (UMB in the first round, Taylor in the finals), and I'd bet that they want to get their teams up and running again. However, UMB has something that Taylor doesn't: an outside feud that may distract him. Or UMB could use that feud as a motivation to tear through the Kentucky Gentleman en route to his Trios match the following day against The Dark Army. It's a toss-up, which is one of the reasons I love CHIKARA: not one match is predictable. Anyway, I think this match is going to go to ULTRAMANTIS BLACK, if for no other reason than he needs the win to get some momentum going into Sunday's bout with Sinn Bodhi and the Batiri.

And speaking of the Batiri...

The Throwbacks vs. The Batiri

Last month, during the Tag Team Gauntlet match, Dasher Hatfield and Sugar Dunkerton eliminated Obariyon and Kodama from the match in about a minute. This, however, came after the Batiri had what could be considered a normal-length match against Arik Cannon and Darin Corbin, so it wasn't a huge surprise to see the Throwbacks take the Batiri down. Both teams are looking to get into the title hunt, and a win today would give either of them their first point. Since only one team (that being Harada and Kotoge) has the three points necessary to challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas, getting another team started towards that goal is very important. And you know what? I think The Throwbacks deserve a shot. So I'm going with THE THROWBACKS to win this match.

Eddie Kingston vs. Sinn Bodhi

This could be a very intriguing match. A clash of...well, just about everything. The War King vs. The Warlord of Weird. I listened to the Art of Wrestling podcast with Bodhi a couple of weeks ago, and I was surprised at how soft-spoken he is outside the ring. I doubt Kingston is ever soft-spoken, but it doesn't really matter all that much. Kingston is probably the hardest-hitting man on the CHIKARA roster, so it should be fun to see if Bodhi can stand up to the punishment Kingston hands out every month. Though the reverse could also be true. This should be an interesting match for sure. But betting on Eddie Kingston is almost a sure thing these days. Usually, I would consider that a bad thing, but it's Eddie Freakin' Kingston. If you haven't guessed it by now, I'll say it in capital letters: EDDIE KINGSTON for the win.

Frightmare vs. Archibald Peck

After a somewhat unexpected debut a couple of months ago, Archibald Peck has actually started to grow on me. He had a good match with Colt Cabana at King of Trios, and he proved he's pretty good on the mic when he called a match that same weekend. But this could be his most important match yet. Frightmare is still the Young Lions Cup Champion, and it looks like he'll make it the whole year without losing it. Just three months stand between him and history. If Peck wins this match, he could either be in line for a title shot down the line or get a spot in this year's YLC tournament. Even though his gimmick is still a little silly to me, I am liking Peck more each time I see him. And whomever is booking Peck's matches is making sure he's going up against some of the best right from the start. I'm just not sure he can pull off a victory today. I'll pick FRIGHTMARE to win this match.

The Colony & Madison Eagles vs. The BDK (Ares, Pinkie Sanchez, Jakob Hammermeier, and Daizee Haze)

The leader of the BDK makes his return to CHIKARA after several months away, and goes right for the top: The 2011 King of Trios Champions, The Colony. I'm still a little surprised that Jakob Hammermeier is working so many matches. You'd think that the BDK would send out guys who are, well, better thank him. But I suppose having Tursas run in nearly every time helps. Madison Eagles has definitely earned her spot on the CHIKARA roster, and should be a strong teammate to The Colony. I suppose this all comes down to whether Jakob is reliable enough to not get himself knocked out before the match ends. And I can't imagine having the new King of Trios Champions losing just one month removed from their victory. So, I'm picking THE COLONY & MADISON EAGLES to win, further splintering the BDK.

3.0 vs. The UnStable

Well, I had a paragraph written up before I noticed that there was a stipulation attached to this match: the losing team can never team up again. That certainly puts a new spin on this match. Yikes. Although, now that I think about it, there's probably a good reason for this. Tag teams don't break up very often in CHIKARA. I think the last time that happened was at Through Savage Progress Cuts the Jungle Line, when both The UnStable and The Future is Now sort of dissolved simultaneously. Anyway, I think it would be pure foolishness to break up 3.0, as they work so well together that splitting them up would be nothing short of a travesty. The UnStable, on the other hand, may very well be nearing the end of their tenure together. Vin Gerard is part of the 12 Large: Summit, whereas STIGMA is not. This could be the beginning of a singles run for Gerard, or possibly a feud between he and STIGMA. But that remains to be seen. I'm going with my heart here and picking 3.0 to win. I just couldn't bear to see them split up.

12 Large: Summit Match - Mike Quackenbush vs. Hallowicked

The first match in the round-robin 12 Large: Summit could not be a better way to kick off the run to the CHIKARA World Championship. Mike Quackenbush takes on his protege, and a Gen 1 CHIKARA wrestler, Hallowicked. If there's one match I'm looking most forward to this weekend, it's this one. It's already been established that both of these men can go, and go they will today. Quack is simply a scholar in the ring, and Hallowicked is as dangerous as they come. Since this is a round-robin tournament, one loss is probably tolerable, so whichever man loses today, he still has a good chance to move on. I'm expecting these two to tear the house down. But only one man can win, and tonight, I'm going with what some may consider an upset. I'm picking HALLOWICKED to win this match. Why? Because Quack still is one half of the Campeones de Parejas, and until the World Champion is crowned, the Campeonatos are still the most prestigious titles in CHIKARA. Hallowicked isn't as focused in the tag division, so a win makes sense.

And now, for Sunday's show...

ANNIVERSARIO: THE LEGENDARY SUPER POWERS SHOW

Dasher Hatfield vs. Jakob Hammermeier

Huh. Jakob is getting more matches than nearly every other member of the BDK. How odd. I suppose it isn't bad if they're trying to build him up as a singles competitor despite the fact that he hasn't really done much of anything in the ring besides get the crap beaten out of him only to have Tursas run in and win the match for him. But hey, he's won more matches in the past couple of months than anyone else in the BDK, so that's gotta mean something, right? Right? Yeah, probably not. I'd love to see Dasher beat the snot out of Jakob, and that will probably happen. But outside interference has been the name of the game for Jakob, and I'm betting it'll happen again. So I'm foolishly picking JAKOB HAMMERMEIER to win this match.

Hieracon vs. Grizzly Redwood

The description of this match on the CHIKARA website is "The Tiny Titans Collide!" I love that. Both guys are maybe 5'6", maybe 160 pounds, but they fight like they're a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier. Hieracon is a devastating high-flyer, and Grizzly is one of the best at chopping down his foes. I am definitely looking forward to this match. I can't see Hieracon being 100% after having a match with Grizz's partner, Brodie Lee, the night before, and I think Grizz will take advantage of that. Hieracon's in for a tough weekend. GRIZZLY REDWOOD wins.

Sugar Dunkerton vs. Archibald Peck

Peck is getting two matches this weekend, which is a first to my recollection. And Sugar is a definite change of pace after Frightmare the night before. Sugar's been on a bit of a losing streak as of late, and I think he's in desperate need of some wins. Oddly enough, I picked both of these guys to win their respective matches on Saturday's show, so it's a pure guess as to who wins on Sunday. So I'll just go with SUGAR DUNKERTON to win.

The Colony vs. The S.A.T.'s

Wow, I wasn't expecting to see The Amazing Red and Los Maximos back in CHIKARA so soon, but here they are. And they haev a tall task ahead of them, taking on The Colony. Both teams have been together for a while, and they each have undeniable chemistry. How well will the teams mix, though? That remains to be seen. I hate to do it (I don't, really), but right now, I can't pick against The Colony, so I'm going with them, just like I did for Saturday's show. THE COLONY wins, but it should be a great match.

Eddie Kingston vs. Chuck Taylor

Sad to say Chucky T is probably just a small roadblock on Eddie Kingston's road to the 12 Large: Summit. I really like Taylor, but this is Kingston's weekend. Yep, this is a short description, I know, but it's probably the easiest match of the week to call. EDDIE KINGSTON wins.

The Spectral Envoy vs. The Dark Army

This feud continues its slow build. I'm wondering whether or not Sinn Bodhi is actually in cahoots with the BDK, since it has been alluded to on several occasions. And with UltraMantis Black's history with the BDK, this could get very convoluted very quickly. But the main question right now is who wins this match? This is the first time that this particular match is taking place, and it may determine who has the upper hand in the future. Who knows? I have a feeling that Bodhi and Co. have something devious planned for this match, and because they don't feel the need to obey the rules, I'm picking THE DARK ARMY to win.

12 Large: Summit Match - Brodie Lee vs. Vin Gerard

Man, Vin Gerard is gonna have a tough weekend. 3.0 on Saturday, and the Big Rig Brodie Lee on Sunday. I'd like to think he could persevere, but I don't see him standing up to Lee. Yep, another quick description and a win for BRODIE LEE.

Well, that's it for Anniversario Weekend. Thanks for reading, and I'll be back when I can.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Episode 18 - "The Look"

Wow, it's been quite some time since I wrote anything that isn't a picks or results episode, hasn't it? I think the last one was the end of year awards. Damn, five months without any really original content? I feel bad. Anyway, this episode could not have happened without the help of one JJ Sexay of the SNS Radio Network. So I have to thank him for that.

You see, last night, I was listening to Wrestling News Live, which I try to catch every Monday night (and you should too, because it's a damn good show). And near the end of the show, the hosts, JJ and Trey, were discussing WWE Smackdown and Christian's two-day World Title reign, when JJ made the following (paraphrased) statement: "Christian wouldn't fit as a World Champion because he doesn't have 'The Look.'" He went on to discuss how Christian wouldn't be a believable World Champion because he is "smaller" than most of the guys he'd end up facing (Sheamus, Mark Henry, etc.), and if he packed on some muscle, he'd be a more believable champion. I nearly blew a gasket hearing that. Now, JJ has been in the industry and stated that he "knows how the business works." But I cannot agree with that sentiment.

You see, as I've been hearing many times over the past couple of weeks, wrestling is a subjective business. Some people perceive it one way, others will perceive it however they want. And it's obvious that JJ and I do not perceive wrestling the same way. It's almost as though he's been brainwashed like so many people have into thinking that the most believable champions are the guys who look like they've spent half their lives in a gym and the other half purchasing steroids. Vince McMahon's "ideal" wrestler (oh, sorry, I mean ENTERTAINER) is tall, tan, and buff. If a guy isn't 6'4", 275 pounds, and has testicles the size of raisins, you can bet that he won't get much of a push at all, let alone a World Title reign that lasts more than three weeks. And don't start with the whole, "But John Cena's only billed at 240, so your argument is flawd HURF DURF." Cena is a former bodybuilder, and he sells merchandise like there's no tomorrow, so of course he's going to be at the top of the company. He still has most of "The Look" that Vince seems to have a perma-boner for. And when there are guys like Mason Ryan, who can't work a five minute match to save his life, on TV every week, but guys like Primo are relegated to the C-show at best, you know something is wrong with the company.

To me, wrestling should emphasize feats of athleticism over feats of strength, intelligence over brawn, memorable characters instead of memorable physiques. That's why I love CHIKARA: they entertain the fans through excellent wrestling, not soap opera-style storytelling that ends up making no sense and never having a proper conclusion. But the main reason I love CHIKARA is that just about anyone who wants to be in the ring can be in the ring. Look at Eddie Kingston. The guy looks like Joe Schlub, a true everyman. Yet I consider him to be the best wrestler in the world today because he has the three characteristics I mentioned earlier: intelligence, athleticism, and charisma. He doesn't have to look like he was chiseled out of granite to be entertaining, because he entertains through his in-ring work. Kingston is a master of telling a story in the ring, and he can work with anyone and have a good match. When you look at the competition he's had over the last year (Christopher Daniels, Bryan Danielson, Tommy Dreamer, Homicide, El Generico, Claudio Castagnoli, Akira Tozawa, etc.), that is one of the most diverse resumes in the entire world. Yet he always has a good match. And the last thing you think about when you watch one of his matches is, "Oh, man, that guy does not LOOK like World Champion material."

The point I'm trying to make here (in case you haven't gotten it already) is that it does not matter whether or not you have the Vince McMahon prototypical bodybuilder physique. If you can entertain the fans, you can be a credible World Champion. Christian is one of the most popular WWE guys with the fans, has a distinctive look, and has the Big Three traits. But you're discounting him as a World Champion just because he doesn't weigh 250 pounds? That's ludicrous.

I will mention that in the chatroom I said something to the effect of, "Size should not discount someone from being a World Champion." To which JJ retorted, "Well, what about Hornswoggle as a champ?" I did not reply to that, because it is an asinine statement to mane, but I will respond here: If Dylan Postl (the man who portrays Hornswoggle) were not burdened with a galactically stupid gimmick and given proper training, then even he could be considered World Champion material. At least, in theory he could be. Unfortunately, I have no idea if he has the Big Three traits, as his gimmick has all but cursed him out of ever being taken seriously in the business. By JJ's logic, guys like Bryan Danielson, Evan Bourne, and Yoshi Tatsu will never be credible or believable World Champions. Just because someone doesn't fit YOUR ideal "Look" doesn't mean that they don't fit everybody's ideal of what a World Champion can be.

With all that being said, I bear no grudge against Mr. Sexay or anyone at the SNS Radio Network. I am a loyal listener, and this will not stop me from listening to their shows for as long as I care to. I just felt like I really needed to get this off my chest before I either exploded or forgot what I was going to write about. If you don't like my opinion, then we can agree to disagree. Opinions are like assholes: everyone has one. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it.

Well, I feel a lot better now. Thanks for reading, and I'll be back soon with picks for CHIKARA's Anniversario weekend spectacular!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Episode 17 - Engulfed in a Fever of Spite!

Two things before I begin this episode.

First, I want everyone reading to wish Amasis of the Osirian Portal a speedy and full recovery. He was seriously hurt this week in a non-wrestling related accident, and is out indefinitely. I hope for a full recovery for you, Amasis. Get well soon!

Second, I would like to apologize to anyone who has been waiting for reviews of CHIKARA events over the past few months. I keep meaning to rewatch these shows and take notes in order to give you the best reviews possible, but I'm always getting sidetracked by other things in life. Rest assured, though, when I get all of my shit together, you can bet that I'll be doing a lot of reviews. I was recently informed (through Colt Cabana's awesome Art of Wrestling podcast) that there is a website that offers hundreds, if not thousands, of wrestling DVDs from Japan for insanely low prices. We're talking about $3 per DVD. And they've got a ton of classic Japanese stuff dating back to the early 1980's. And, according to Colt, if you use the promo code Colt Cabana, you get 40% off your order. So you're getting a ton of classic Japanese (and global) wrestling for less than $2 per show. Or, at least, the discount was around as of two or three weeks ago...I haven't checked to see if it's still applicable. Still, $3 for some great classic wrestling is a steal, so I'll probably be grabbing a bunch of stuff from there so I can steep myself in classic puro.

Okay, on to the show. I wasn't aware that there was a CHIKARA show this weekend until about two days ago. The timing is a little awkward, as next weekend is Anniversario weekend, so we're getting three shows in a week. But this is their debut show in North Carolina, and looking at the card, it seems to be a pretty solid show. So let's get down to picks, shall we?

The Kamakazi Kid vs. Tim Donst

I did a very quick search on The Youtubes for any matches featuring The Kamakazi Kid, but I could not find anything. Actually, I first looked up Kamikaze Kid, since that's what was written on CHIKARA's website, but that leads to an entirely different wrestler. So I know nothing about The Kamakazi Kid except that he wrestles for CWF Mid-Atlantic and CHIKARA is invading CWF this weekend. Or, actually, I think they're doing a show tonight. So that's that. More often than not, when you have someone from outside CHIKARA facing someone from CHIKARA, the home team wins. And since Donst is trying to prove himself as a great singles wrestler in case the BDK folds, I'll go ahead and pick Tim Donst to pick up this victory.

Daizee Haze vs. Grizzly Redwood

Ah, a battle of CHIKARA's smallest competitors. This should be interesting. At King of Trios, during the Tag Team Gauntlet match, Grizzly's team eliminated Daizee's team, also costing Daizee two points in the process. So I'd imagine Daizee is out for revenge. And it will definitely matter if either Brodie Lee or any member of the BDK are at ringside, since both are wont to interfere on their partner's behalf. Will Daizee gain her revenge? I think she might. Daizee Haze wins this match.

Mike Quackenbush and Frightmare vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus and Johnny Gargano)

(NOTE: The rest of this episode is being written on Saturday)

For some reason, I don't have anything to say about this match other than it should be entertaining as always. F.I.S.T. wins.

UltraMantis Black vs. Tursas

UMB continues his war with the BDK and the Dark Army, who at last check seemed to be in cahoots with each other. But his task is a tall one, as he takes on the largest member of the CHIKARA roster. While Tursas is a mighty foe indeed, it's been proven that he is beatable, albeit by a superhuman effort on the part of one Eddie Kingston. Will Mantis be able to overcome the odds? I can't see it happening today. Tursas wins.

The Throwbacks vs. The Osirian Portal

I'm not sure how this match is going to work, as Amasis was scheduled for this match. Will Hieracon take his place, or will someone else be Amasis' substitute? This is a battle between two of CHIKARA's tecnico teams, and with points in play, a win is always important. I believe that neither team has any points towards Campeonatos contention, so this could be the first step towards a title shot for either team. I'm not sure if the Throwbacks are done with the Roughnecks just yet, but with Amasis out, unless Hieracon takes his place for the foreseeable future, the Portal may go in for a cooldown period. So I'll pick The Throwbacks to win.

Hallowicked vs. Delirious

The former founding members of Incoherence collide! These are two seasoned ring vets, and they should put on a great show. Delirious' loyalty to Ares and the BDK looks to be straining, having been face to face with UltraMantis Black last month, and facing Hallowicked today could stir more memories in the clouded mind of the insane luchador. Could we see the first man to leave the BDK? Probably not today, but it could happen soon. I think Hallowicked gets the win here, and Delirious loses a little more of his connection to the BDK.

Eddie Kingston vs. Jakob Hammermeier

Jakob's two wins in CHIKARA have both been under dubious circumstances (read: outside interference from the BDK). But said interference backfired at Night 2 of King of Trios, when Tursas ca-RUSH-ed him with a flying crossbody. He cost the BDK's only Trio their shot at winning the trophy. Now, one wonders: is he being thrown to the wolves (or, in this case, the War King), or will he have back-up? I'm sure every person in the Mid-Atlantic Sportatorium, as well as every person who buys CHIKARA DVDs from Smart Mark Video want to see Jakob get his just desserts, much like I'm sure everyone who watches WWE wants Michael Cole to get his. But where WWE fails, CHIKARA delivers. I think today, Jakob's gonna get his freaking head punched in. Eddie Kingston destroys Jakob Hammermeier.

The Colony vs. The Batiri

I'm sure The Colony are riding high after their victory at King of Trios last month. Today, they have to face the team that they eliminated on Night 1 of the tournament. Only Kobald is replacing Sinn Bodhi. Without Bodhi, I'm not sure the Batiri are as strong as they are with him, but Kobald has proven to be a dastardly little devil in his short tenure. I'm sure The Batiri are anxious to gain revenge against the team that ousted them from King of Trios earlier than I expected. But, in all honesty, I think The Colony are riding a wave of momentum that cannot be stopped right now. So, I'm going with The Colony to win.

And there you have it. Sorry I kind of rushed the last 3/4 of the picks. Hopefully, next week's Anniversario picks episode will be more in-depth. So be sure to join me in a week's time for that. Until then, stay cool.